Thursday, September 4, 2008

Erg

Along the 'there is always something a little wrong with anything I am try to get done' vein, I tried to use my Skype for the first time today and couldn't figure it out. I read all the help stuff and everything, but nothing answered my questions. I was told by one of my roommates that Toshiba's have built in microphones, but I am realizing that she must have meant that they have microphone jacs for the ones you buy. I do not have a microphone, and am thinkin if I want to use Skype, I will have to go buy a mic. Brianna gave me a webcam that I forgot to pack, which I am definately kicking myself for now.

I actually have some time free right now that I was not expecting - I ended up having to miss my night class because my roommates wanted me to come help load up some furniture they got through a family connection. I felt bad that I hadn't helped on a lot of things yet, so I said yes even though I didnt want to miss my class. I felt like they didn't really give me an option to say no, and I felt bothered by that, but decided to get over it. I am kind of wishing now that I had found a way around it, because even though I felt guilty for not having done much yet, I don't need or want much in comparison to them, and that is probably why I haven't done much. It is not because I do not care or because I am lazy (I care very much about everyone being happy and I am far from lazy), but I myself really do not desire to be spending any time or money on anything I don't really care to have.

So we rented a U-Haul, which I did not want to pay for in the first place because I dont care to have more furniture, but I got over that. Then we went to the first place, got there 45 minutes late so we were almost not able to pick everything up and the dude almost told us we would have to come back tomorrow. It ended up working out, but that got me on edge. Then we went to the next place, a storage place that we needed a code to get into. And guess what - they didn't have the code. That got me really frustrated, and I started showing it. As I didn't really want to be spending that time in the first place, the time being drawn out made it even more difficult forme to mask my frustration. I ended up going home early with the roommate with a car, because they last thing the other three had to pick up was a sofa, and they could do that on their own. I feel a little bad about ditching, but I didn't want to have actions or words I would regret if I stayed. So now I am home, feeling kinda pissed and frustrated, but also kind guilty. I want them all to know that I care for them and that I do want to be friends very much, but I think there needs to be more communication.

I love the dance and for that I am glad I came up, but I had already been frustrated with my roommates before this happened - most of them have not yet lived alone, so they want to share food, have not mentioned when they are having people over, etc. I am hoping this gets better with time. I also feel like three of them have really clicked, leaving me off by myself. I have wondered if part of why this is happening is because I have exhibited a clear interest in having some alone time, and have already branched off to do other things after dance class, when they always want to be going to class together, coming back together, etc. The three of them have even landed employment at the same place, and I know for sure it would be too much for me to being living, dancing and working in the same place as all of them - we would be together all the time, and I cannot be with ANYONE for 24 hours a day, let alone people I just met when moving to another country. I will just have to be patient with the situation I guess. I find myself almost wishing already that I had opted to live alone and just paid the extra I would have to pay, but I barely have enough money to get me through the whole nine months as it is without finding a job. It sounds like I will have to find an under the table job because I do not have a work permit, and will not be able to get one. I asked for recommendations letters from the studio, which should help me out in explaining my situation when trying to get a job. I am going to try and jump into the job search on Saturday, so we will see how that goes.

I am just going to have to expand my horizons a bit when it comes to frienships here - it is looking as though built-in roommate friends isn't going to work in my favor. I hope they know I want to be friends with them all - maybe I need to vocalize it, that my need for alone time is nothing personal. We seemed to be clicking just fine the first few days, and now I just feel alienated. I hope that I can built some relationships with other people who moved here alone for the program - probably people who are living alone, who can control when and when not they see people. We shall see. I think my desire for friendships would not be so strong right now if I were living alone, because I would feel more in control of my situation. Aw well. Just need to give it time I guess.

I have been kept pretty busy thus far, but I think I am starting to get to the point where I can miss people. I am sure it will get worse, but I still need to get a job and whatnot and that will take time during the day. As for classes, my first were splendid. I am already so tired in a good way. I have been dancing for three days, and have already taken two jazz classes, a ore class, west african, hip hop, tap and modern. Aw yeah.

As for the commute, it turns out it is more like 40 minutes for a fast walker like me, but my roommates all walk slow, so it ends up being about an hour in the morning when we go together, which is frustrating for me. The winter is going to be pretty brutal considering our long commute. Someone on the plane told me it gets down to below 20 and 30 on a regular basis. They show degrees in Celsius here, so I am going to have the learn the conversion. I knew it at one time, but I no longer do. I am also going to have to learn the gallons to liters and miles to kilometers. I know it probably isn't that hard, I just haven't taken the time to find them out yet.

2 comments:

kelso3185 said...

Hey babe...sorry to hear things with the roomies are a little rocky at the moment...I know exactly how you're feeling as I went through something very similar when I went to Michigan for school. At first I really wanted to connect with my roommate but she ended up not being around and that made the whole being on my own for the first time thing that much harder. Fortunately after a few weeks things settled down and we started to get to know each other better and that really helped me feel better about the whole living situation. We had plenty of little issues come up throughout the year but we managed to become good friends and learned how to not step on each others toes but be supportive at the same time. I know things will work out with you as it did for me...after all how could anyone not adore you?? Be that open minded brilliant lady we all know you are and things will work out. Love and miss you tons!

Planned Movements said...

Thanks for the wise words love. I am so glad you are reading this. See you at Christmas? ! ?