KINDNESS
SPACIOUSNESS | LEVITY
The first is the main idea I'd like to keep simmering on the back-burner of my mind for 2024, and underneath are two additional concepts, all of which I think will help me in being who I want to be during the coming new year and beyond. I will also bottom-line-on-top what I've light-heartedly come to label the Erinn Kellie Liebhard OS (Operating System :)), and further explain below why I've opted to do so, as well as more about the above guiding concepts:
Beliefs Consciousness | Love | Vitality | Purpose
Values Kindness | Simplicity | Curiosity | Creativity
Doings Reflection | Connection | Movement | Food | Outdoors | Aesthetics
. . .
The fact that one of this coming year's guiding concepts has been embedded within the above OS for quite some time, and that the other two feeling very correlated, makes me feel pretty confident about my biggest take-away from this go-around on my year-end reflection process. It's not the ideas I'm choosing to center this year, as it almost always has been in the past. It's embracing that my OS is actually the framework with which I should undergo this reflective process in the future, using the concepts it outlines to organize my reflections on how the year went. And it only took 22 hand-written journal pages, an attempt to sort it all out here publicly, returning to my private writing space and all the writing below to sort this out (so, big cheers to my fellow ruminators :)). I think I'm really beginning to appreciate that the more experience I gain, the fewer 'new' things there are to consider, at least when it comes to how I wish to operate in the world. I've been actively reflecting on who I am and how I wish to be through journaling (including New Year reflection processes) for more than 20 years at this point: I was sure to start identifying some recurring themes!
It feels refreshing to embrace the idea that I don't think I need to keep trying to harvest new concepts to center myself around each year: after 20+ years, I've got a damn good list/ OS!
This is not to say that I won't keep actively tweaking it: as one of the emergent themes from analyzing my writing and thinking from the past year - Defining - suggests, I will continue to evaluate my centering concepts for how well they encapsulate who I am (at my core) and how I wish to be (honoring the inevitable shifts we all experience as non-fixed entities in ever-changing environments). It just means that my intentional work around who I am and how I wish to be has yielded a great system that I can keep revisiting. It also means my future NYI writings may not feeling as ground-breaking for me as they have in the past: it seems this is just a natural result of the many years of care I have put into understanding myself and determining how desire to do life :)
With all of that said, I'll further unpack my guiding concept for the year, as well as some fresh-feeling themes that emerged as I analyzed my thoughts and writings from the past year during my written journaling. I'll correlate them with concepts from my OS to help me understand how these themes might help go on to inform how my existing framework has been and can continue to guide how I operate in the world.
It feels refreshing to embrace the idea that I don't think I need to keep trying to harvest new concepts to center myself around each year: after 20+ years, I've got a damn good list/ OS!
This is not to say that I won't keep actively tweaking it: as one of the emergent themes from analyzing my writing and thinking from the past year - Defining - suggests, I will continue to evaluate my centering concepts for how well they encapsulate who I am (at my core) and how I wish to be (honoring the inevitable shifts we all experience as non-fixed entities in ever-changing environments). It just means that my intentional work around who I am and how I wish to be has yielded a great system that I can keep revisiting. It also means my future NYI writings may not feeling as ground-breaking for me as they have in the past: it seems this is just a natural result of the many years of care I have put into understanding myself and determining how desire to do life :)
With all of that said, I'll further unpack my guiding concept for the year, as well as some fresh-feeling themes that emerged as I analyzed my thoughts and writings from the past year during my written journaling. I'll correlate them with concepts from my OS to help me understand how these themes might help go on to inform how my existing framework has been and can continue to guide how I operate in the world.
. . .
Kindness: I think this one emerged as the concept I'd like to really focus in on this year because I found myself continually revisiting it throughout the past year, whether in writing or just in my thoughts. It's rough out there, friends. We humans are using violence against one another over disputes regarding imaginary lines in the physical sand, we are turning a blind eye to how our collective actions - however small - deeply impact our shared earthly home, and we are treating one another as though we are not each what we really are - sacred, one-of-a-kind beings that deserve gentleness and love.
As I write this, I acknowledge how hard it can be to remember this when coming across people whose views feel like they could actively hurt others, as well as people who just plain actively hurt others, both mentally and physically. But I would crumble into a pile of pieces that could not be put back together if I did not actively chose to try the best I can to offer Kindess to all people I encounter, whether it be in content or in person. I am not always great at this, which is honestly why Kindess is my prevailing theme for 2024, and why it holds a place within my OS.
In arriving to this, I at first was kind of disappointed that it's a concept I've already zeroed in on as a Value. The longer I sat with it, the more it felt fitting that a concept I revere deeply enough to be one of the eight I revisit with frequency be what I highlight for how I'd like to orient my upcoming year. It was this realization that brought me into jiving with the big take-away I clarified above :)
But back to why Kindness. It is very easy for me to default to thinking the worst of people. And you know what that does? It sinks me down. I'd rather do the harder work of offering kindness - if even just in thought - to the people I encounter. I have to believe that even these small mental acts make shifts - however tiny - in the whole of the universe. I have to believe this approach adds up on a small and on larger scales to make a difference.
I have also been thinking about the idea of gentleness, which feels like a subset of Kindness. I came to this one specifically when thinking about myself, and how I should offer myself the same kindness - perhaps gentleness with myself - as I offer (or at least try to offer) to others. While I wish to center myself around Kindness this year, I also think I would benefit from considering how the following themes that emerged from my analysis of this past year's reflections and writing could serve to better the way I move through the world:
Defining: A What I liken to Vitality, Purpose and Curiosity. When I sat down to write this post, I was thinking I was going to clarify a whole new set of ideas, organized into 'Whats,' 'Hows' and 'Specifics,' when upon further thought I realized I already had a system (the big take-away :)). While I'm still appreciating this thought, I do think I'll benefit more from really considering how these concepts inform the ones that I've already come to hold dear. In this case, I'm thinking of Defining as the continual and continuous practice of coming to understand who I am and how I'd like to be. A low-key example of this from the past year was Defining that I feel best in high-waisted, a-line skits that hit mid-thigh. Clarifying this had a huge positive impact on my style, and in turn my confidence from day to day.
On a larger scale, I see Defining as a way I put to use my Curiosity to better how I move through the world, in turn improving my Vitality and Purpose. The better I understand who I am and how I want to be (Vitality), the better I am able to make an impact on others (Purpose). I chose to keep this in verb format because it is ongoing. I have not defined who I am and how I want to be, I am Defining it, always.
Adapting: A What I correlate with Vitality and Simplicity. This concept has been coming up again and again for the last several years. As a person who tends to thrive on routine but crave adventure, I have long needed to adapt my plans and expectations to satisfy both those needs. Now that I am responsible for the life of a tiny human, adaptation seems to have become even more key to moving through the world well. I have found that it's not too difficult for me to adapt my plans and expectations to serve Niko's needs: it is much harder for me to change my own plan once I've made one, even if it's the right/ better/ necessary thing to do.
Right now, I think I'm just feeling proud that I can admit that to myself: that's the first step to recovery, right?! I am holding an awareness that my Vitality benefits from ability to adapt, and my sense of Simplicity certainly does too: sometimes it's necessary to adapt in order to keep the flow of things simple.
Balancing: A What I correlate with Vitality and Simplicity. Another long-term heavy-hitter, and one I've also intentionally verbed, as finding balance is an active and ongoing pursuit. I actually wrote a lot this year about how I seem to oscillate between poles: satisfied and unsatisfied, content and striving, mechanization and unbridledness, input and output, more and less. The more I think about it, the more I think this is just the human experience. There is no such thing as one balance point that will work forever under all conditions. Instead, we benefit from understanding that we will always be oscillating between poles, working to find balance among them. As I've often thought and said, this kind of thought can seem negative, but I really don't see it as such: the more we can embrace this ever-shifting nature of things, the better equipped we are to take actions that keep us in whatever version of balance will work for us at any given time.
Appreciating: A What I correlate with Consciousness, Love and Kindness. Some people call this gratitude. I think I like Appreciating, again, because it's a verb. It's active. Beyond just Appreciating what I have, I found and wish to continue finding myself applying this concept to other people and to situations. For example, "I can appreciate why X would be Y, because Z." I find this way of thinking makes it easier for me to step out of myself to try to understand something. Doing this is an act of Conciousness, Love and Kindness.
Intentionality: A How I correlate with Conciousness, Vitality and Simplicity. I dabbled with trying to get this word into the OS - it too is one that's been around a long time for me. That said, I feel 'Conciousness' implies Intentionality - if one's Conciousness is present in all their choice-making, they are living with intentionality. All the same, I revisit it here because it came up for me a lot in the past year, specifically when it comes to making decisions on what's important to fit into my life, and how. Making the choices that tend toward Simplicity (ex: fewer, more involved commitments) has helped me toward spending my time how I really wish to, which has benefitted my Vitality.
Spaciousness: A How I correlate with Simplicity and Creativity. I had the pleasure of reading "How to Do Nothing" by Jenny Odell this Summer, and found myself realizing that while I cultivated 'free time,' it's been highly-curated. I really plan that time out in order to squeeze every drop out if it that I can, enabling me to 'do what I really want to do with my personal time.' Like cook. And go on walks. And curate my wardrobe. But that time - like my work time - is so tightly wound that if something goes awry/ changes, I can fall apart. I've come to find this arrangement pretty stressful, and long for arrangements of time that leave space. Space for something to take a little longer than I planned. Space to push something back. Space to change my plans. Space to NOT HAVE PLANS. I keep telling myself that in order to get to everything I wish to,
I keep telling myself that in order to get to everything I wish to, I HAVE to keep my time this tight. But ya know what, I don't think I do. I've learned to start saying no to work opportunities that I do not HAVE to take, even if I kind of want to, if having to 'fit them in' will keep them from actually being enjoyable. I think I also need/ want to be gentle with myself about this when it comes to my personal time. I have long prided myself on 'being able to do a lot,' but do I NEED to, just because I always have? What's a lot? Why is doing 'a lot' important? A big way I think I can help myself is to keep questioning what I believe to be a reasonable amount of things to achieve in a day in order for me to feel like any given day was a good one. I do in fact apparently equate some morality to productivity, and when I phrase it that way, it feels icky. WHY don't I think it's good enough for me to just get to exist sometimes? I guess I'm still kind of uncomfortable with what might happen if/ when I just 'exist.' I have so many things I like to do! And it's not like I can easily block off a day to 'just see what happens,' with no regard to my realities: I do have a tiny human to help keep alive. Despite how it may seem, I have actually thought about and through this one a lot, and think it comes to this: while I may not need more NOTHING, I think what I do need is more space for and between the things I do choose to do, be them work or play (or both).
Levity: A How I correlate with EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Perhaps this is another big take-away. As I read my writing from this past year, I found myself thinking, several times, 'WHY SO SERIOUS?!' This post itself absolutely SCREAMS this! We are now on paragraph who-the-fuck-even-knows, and it feels important to say 'Why take yourself so seriously?!' Clearly, I value reflection and self-improvement, and at the same time, I find myself thinking 'Is this really all so serious?' Multiple truths. I think I could benefit a lot from keeping a sense of light-heartedness and levity around how I approach all the things.
Annnnnd: some more literal things, like: Dancing: A Specific I correlate with Reflection, Connection and Movement. This was on the list last year too. More dancing. Even if it means simply more morning improv sessions in the basement. Be adaptable on how you can get it in.
Creative Research: A Specific correlate with Reflection, Movement and Aesthetics. I think this will actually come with Spaciousness. I am finding that Creative Research time is among the first stuff to go, because it, like dancing myself, is the least tangible of it all - grants gotta get written! Arguably though, it's the most important. While grants gotta get written, no one wants to fund shitty art. And it's hard for art to end up all that great if it's not allowed the proper background research to spring it to life. A couple Fridays ago, I ended up spending the whole morning doing creative research instead of the class prep I should have been doing, and it felt SO GREAT. Honestly, part of that may have been the fact that I was throwing my plan to hell and doing something different (I know, what a rebel). Moreso, I think it was because I hadn't allowed myself that kind of creative curiosity time in quite awhile, and it felt good to follow the wormholes and further shape an emerging idea. I want more of this, and I think I can get it by being intentional about planning for such time.
One-On-Ones: A Specific I correlate with Connection, and potentially Movement, Food, Outdoors and Aesthetics. I'm realizing that I'm craving more one-on-one time with friends. I wish to put some effort into scheduling things like this, which could also cross over with going on walks (Movement and Outdoors), trying new restaurants (Food) and catching live music (Aesthetics).
Bonus - Live Music: A specific I correlate with Reflection and Aesthetics, as well as potentially Connection, Movement and Outdoors. I'm labeling this one a bonus because I'm already asking myself for more on several things when I already feel overextended sometimes. I'm gonna try to get this one to manifest within other things I'm already asking myself for :)
. . .
And there you have it. Some musings on themes that showed up several times this year, and offerings on how they might further illuminate the concepts that already guide me. After collecting these thoughts, I amended by top line to include below it a sub-line with two additional concepts, making Kindness, Spaciousness and Levity the three things I wish to keep guiding me as I check in on my Operating System periodically throughout the year.
Phrasing this this way reminds me of how on PC computers, you used to need to 'defragment your disk' to keep your computer working well (maybe you still do need to do this? I haven't had a PC in a long time). I feel like my writing is my way of defragmenting my own brain. By stopping to reflect, I'm able to identify gaps, errors, things to erase, things to program in. It is in this spirit of wanting to not only maintain my machine, but keep it running well and maybe even better than it has before so I can give the world my best, that I keep exploring my depths :)
