Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Mental Patterning

I am sitting here in my room, at my desk, at my computer, feeling satisfied that I have spent an amount of time in the same place, creating a rooted feeling. After several weeks of chaotic running from here to there, particularly with last week being filled by the EEE show, I was in need of some recuperation time, time alone.

However often and severely I create such a need for myself (and I can admittedly see that it is me and me only that creates these situations for myself), there are very few times I realize, if ever, that I regret it. While, at the time, such a level of scattered busy-ness can feel de-centering and more trouble than it is worth, the process of looking back on such times is most often accompanied with fond thoughts.

A perfect example; this past week. After having not worked steadily for nine months while in Canada (which provided me a lot of free time to collect myself), jumping into a full-time day job with commitments at night was a bit jarring. The first couple weeks of this schedule, I had a hard time remembering and comprehending how I used to operate like this all the time. I am still not too sure of how I used to do it, but have all the same fallen back into such a pattern.

Having had the pleasure of experiencing the exact opposite while I was in Canada, I was given a chance to gain perspective and find a balance between the two. Theoretically, I had discovered such a balance. In practice, it has become clear to me that I have not.

Then it occured to me - like many to most things in life, my ability to properly pattern my time to live my life at its optimum will be a fluctuating thing. I will always be teetering between too much and too little in order to find the proper balance for what life has dealt to me at the time. It seems that there is no such thing as the perfect balance - to believe such an idea would be to accept that life does not change at all as time goes on - something that, when written down, is clearly completely absurd (which is a good thing!)

All of that being said, though this week was a whirlwind, I had a magnificent time all throughout the course of it and looking back on it from a post not so far away. Though my pattern was experiencing a spike in activity (notice I have chosen to avoid the word 'stress,') making it hard to focus on any one given thing, it is that same whirlwind feeling that contributed to my enjoyment of a fast-paced, exciting environment full of quality people. They were all experiencing the same feelings in working toward the common goal we shared, and that in itself was enough to allow the quick pace to meld from something that could cause anxiety into something that created excitement.

Thanks to the powers that be for creating such situations that allow for further understanding of how I see things, and the people and places that function within. Looking beyond the initial layer of a situation always digs out to the surface interesting things....

Monday, July 20, 2009

More to Come

Where have you been?

I have been watching, waiting for new material.

Where have you been?

There will be some - swills of jazz dance successes and gargles of planning.

And a circus-punk marching band from Chicago.

I'm out. For now.