This morning, I took a walk. I take a walk most mornings, but this morning did not feel like most mornings. The world is reeling as we work together to figure out how to beat a common, invisible enemy. What a weird and true way to think about it.
It's sinking in that this is indeed a once-in-one-hundred years (at least now) occurrence that we are living through. It has been beautiful to watch the "social solidarity" happening, as I've seen it put. Rather than wait for our country's government to clarify what we should really do, we've all just started doing it, even to our own personal detriments in many ways.
Despite this, I couldn't help but feel a sense of apocalypse when out on my walk this morning. The thought passed through my head that it's also easy to fetishize apocalypse. "What would we prepare?" "How would we fight?" "Who would survive?" Video games are made off lesser shit.
That said, I'm not immune. I love zombie shit. I love being organized, and being prepared for emergency has come to fall under that same propensity for me. Honestly, there are ways I have enjoyed having to plan for what we are all now grappling with. And when I say "we all," I think I can REALLY mean it. I recall learning, in college, how to be sure my statements don't overreach, and usually, when I find myself typing such a thing, I go back an edit to be sure I'm not doing this. That said, "what we are all now grappling with" seems to be a fair statement.
According to the Johns Hopkins Coronavirus Resource Center website, this thing is now in 146/ 195 countries. When I say "we," I mean humans. Assuming Earth is the only place humans are living regularly, this is pretty damn near "we all."
We are all grappling with this. We are all trying to stockpile supplies, assess our financial situations, make plans for physical and mental health during this time that we aren't sure how long will last.
One way I am coping is long-form writing like this. I have to admit that, while contagions of negativity, lame jokes and hysteria (as well as anti-hysteria, which I honestly find worse) seem to be sweeping social media, I often can't look away. I'm working on that. It's part of what's made me feel driving to produce writing of more than a sentence that I've simply regurgitated into slight different words from the last person who said/ posted it.
My plan after returning from my walk was to sit down and write. When I left for the walk, I knew I'd end up here on my public blog instead of in my private notebook. I'm feeling compelled to create and share things. I guess I'm usually feeling this way, and that's a thought that wandered through my noggin while strolling today. It was a comforting one. It made me feel like I really am an artist. Funny thought, that. One would think that getting to where all my work is dance-related would help me feel that way. And hey, it has. Doesn't mean I don't sometimes still feel like an adolescent maker.
Those self-doubts took a hit this morning on my walk when I COULDN'T STOP A) hearing the tunes on my Spring Playlist differently and B) taking photos. Our current state of affairs really just got me listening and seeing so differently. Each song I heard, from "We Are Trees" by the Big Wu to "You're Gonna Miss Me" by The 13th Floor Elevators became somehow related to Covid-19 concerns. Here's what the playlist shuffled me:
- "We Are Trees" by the Big Wu
- "You're Gonna Miss Me" by The 13th Floor Elevators
- "There, There" by Radiohead
- "Wonderwall" by Oasis
- "Jackson County" by the Big Wu
- "Cellphone's Dea" by Beck (which became a nugget of dance later :))
- "Resilient" by Rising Appalachia
- "Cut Right Through Me" by Hanson
- "Late Night" by ODESZA
- "Bloom" by Radiohead
- "Green Chimneys" by Thelonius Monk
- "Shame, Shame, Shame" by Lake Street Dive
- "Last of My Kind" by Jason Isbell
And isn't this what good music is supposed to do? Sing to you true regardless of the situation?
Each place in my neighborhood looked stark and apocalyptic.
It was an embodied reminder that we are surrounded by new ways to experience what feels old all the time. Sometimes it just takes having much in our lives postponed or cancelled to have the time to re/discover this.
I realize this might sound trite. I'm fully aware that I'm FAR from the first person to write about this. That said, my experience with these concepts was totally beautiful this morning, and I wanted to process and share. It got me breathing deeply. Smiling. Appreciating. I don't say this to suggest that I've magically bypassed all the anxiety and uncertainty this whole situation is making me feel. I fully intend to binge some news today. I think I know now that I'll just find it easier to rip myself away from it when the time I'm allowing for that is up. I'm reassured by the fact that I have re/discovery waiting for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment