Aimless Wander

Wander aimless?

Aim/less.

Aim less?

Wander aimlessly?

Aimlessly.

Wander.

Wonder?

I wonder what the true definition of wander is.

"To walk or move in a leisurely, casual, or aimless way." - Oxford English Dictionary.

Aimless.

"Without a purpose or direction." - Oxford English Dictionary.

When I think of 'aim,' I do immediately think 'direction.' Aiming in a particular direction. With both of these words/ ideas, I also think of the concept of 'goals.' Things that demarcate purpose. And 'purpose,' to me, is a very powerful concept.

So why does it feel so powerful to 'wander aimlessly'?

My daily morning walk is purposefully aimless. A chance in my day to let wander-wonder unfold and to head in whatever direction/s I seem pulled toward, curious about or feel right. That aimlessness is an aim unto itself.

I also tend to get thinking on my walks, no matter how purposefully I try to keep my head in the clouds and the moment. I suppose I mostly begin that way, and that sense of aloft carries me into the things I find myself wondering about. This morning, it was this idea of 'aimless.'

I've been feeling that way, in and out for the last I suppose 7 and a 1/2 months now. For quite awhile, I've been thinking '6,' but time as collected upon itself. Some days within this span, I've felt quite alive, purposeful, with aim, however different it might have been than I was imagining it would be, direction-wise, some 8 months ago. Other days (moments?), I feel stymied, irresolute, aimless. 

But should 'aimless' always be paired with such words? Is it really that pious to always be charging in a particular direction? Isn't an amount of 'head in the clouds, aimless wander' necessary to find your breath, feel the breeze, notice the unnoticed, connect with the moment?

What good is a direction if it doesn't also allow for the genuine feeling of it's movement along the way?

I once again come back to balance. Finding the grey-scale among the seemingly black and white, it not just to know it's there.

I'd like for finding that grey-scale to feel less messy sometimes, but (hold on, another mediocre metaphor coming) what would there be to organize if there were not some kind of 'messy' first? And boy, do I like to organize.

Aimless wander.