It takes some pause to see the insides.
Here's what's been inside lately: for starters, "Freedom." I am frustrated by how this concept is being molded by some during this time. Societies, by their nature, create minimum behavior agreements that allow large groups of people to live in close quarters and not only 'survive' one another, but thrive because of the relationships and support structures they build together.
I feel like I'm either reading or writing (or both) a sociology 101 text, which is funny to say, considering I don't think I ever really took a 'sociology class' per say. I picked these ideas up among other subjects. I recognize I'm not writing anything provocative that hasn't been thought before, it's just what's processing for me at the moment. I also realize that the folks within my world who could really stand to read and consider these ideas are very unlikely to do so. Long-form writing just feels like a much better way (and therein my blog a much better place) than social media to clarify some of my thoughts and feelings in a written, semi-public-facing way. More on that later.
Back to "Freedom." Freedom to what? Tell a woman how she should treat her own body according to one's own religious views? Freedom to shoot a black man out for a run because 'Martial Law'? Freedom to ignore the public good in order to uphold some sort of misguided, lone wolf image? Fear that being told to wear a mask will open the gate to an eventual spiral into totalitarian madness DOES feel pretty misguided to me. Despite the many challenges to American democracy made by the current president himself and their fall-outs, Americans still live in one of the best-functioning democracies in the world. A scary though, that? Yes. Still worth saying.
It feels impossible for me to square how the same folks suggesting that being asked to wear a mask by a private business when entering their establishment are often the same people who more or less suggest that "private citizens should be able to do whatever the hell they want." How can one suggest that businesses should have the freedom to operate (within the constructs of the law) however they choose, and then be livid enough to SHOOT ONE OF THEIR EMPLOYEES when they choose to require customers to wear masks when inside.
I'm fortunate that my own personal 'bubble,' if you will, during all this, has been pretty pleasant. I have an excellent relationship with my partner. I have a partner. We are fine financially. We are able to take walks in the sunshine in a neighborhood other than our own and feel safe. We can buy, prepare and eat good food. So it's things like the above happening that create the constant, low-grade anxiety within my insides. And I know I'm not alone.
Back to "whatever the hell the want." Within the constructs of the law, sure. I keep thinking that folks who feel their freedoms are being impinged upon do not fully appreciate the gravity of what that second part really means. As a side note, these are not folks I'm inventing, they are real-life examples of family and acquaintance whose opinions posted on Facebook uncover their positions. To choose to live in a society is to choose to respect the constructs of the law. Do some attempt to pervert those constructs? Yes. That is why it's crucially important that they be protected. I'd suggest that "protecting the freedom to own assault weapons" is an example of perversion, not protection, but I digress.
I keep thinking that if the 'constructs of the law' are too much for someone, they need to invest in the equipment, skills and property needed to live 'outside of society.' This feels like a ridiculous thing to think, as there is currently no land on earth not claimed by a country or nation, but it seems fitting, as it is a response to a ridiculous notion. The United States has come a long way since the 'Wild, Wild West,' and we are a great deal better for it.
I suppose the closest one could get would be where a lot of folks with such opinions already are: the mountains of Utah. That said, when folks who wish to live outside of society need to come back into it for supplies, they need to shelve their opinions to work within the pact of the law. BEYOND that - back to masks - wearing a mask is really an act of compassion for other people, as it supposedly protects others more than the wearer. It's disheartening to observe that "liberty" and "compassion" seem at odds for so many.
I write all this here. I phrase it as 'disheartening.' Because that's what it is for me. Skewering family and acquaintances over our ideological differences in short-form writing on social media will NOT tend to my disheartened state, nor do I believe it will make a seismic-enough shift in their thoughts to really make a difference. In contrast, I don't look poorly upon anyone who chooses to use their social media in that way. I just prefer to take to personal, one-on-one conversations and am privileged enough to make donations to effective activist groups like the ACLU.
I also do not look to social media as my outlet for news, and do think there are many misgivings for doing so. If I do not opt to collect my news there, then why would I opt to distribute my opinions there as well? I've chosen to 'take the risk' that I may be seen by some as 'not politically and socially engaged' if I do not do the former. I think it behooves to remember that our choices in the ways we behave have always helped determine to whom we become truly close. If a current acquaintance would choose to not hold me close because they equate my choice to not use social media as my main outlet for socio-political activism with not engaging in activism at all, it's likely we'd not have become close friends anyway, due to fundamental differences in how we operate as humans. This doesn't make me or that potential person a better or worse human, it just makes us more likely to be a long-term friendship-mismatch.
That said, this thought-stream HAS gotten me thinking about what I DO chose to post on social media, and how it might add to the perception that it 'skews people's senses of reality.' I do tend to post positively and optimistically. That said, I think I'm realizing this reflects how I (wish) to use it. I turn to social media when I need a pick-me-up generated by people I have chosen to have in my life. Not for news. Not to exchange opinions. Not to get angry.
I want to come back to that 'chosen to have in my life.' To what extent is 'connecting with someone on social media' choosing to have them in your life? Prior to social media, we really only got 'regular updates' from people we chose more carefully to engage with on a regular basis. The friends we sat with at lunch and spent time with outside of school. Now, we 'become friends' on social media with our estheticians and that one dude we talked to on that one plane ride that one time. The extent of our in-person, one-on-one encounters with such folks is often not enough to build a relationship based on trust that will translate in holding one another in kind regards on social media.
I've always rejected the notion that I should 'curate my social media,' for example, selectively 'Unfollowing' people on Facebook, but I am starting to rethink that decision. I'm starting to think that making these choices is kind of like a digital version of choosing with whom you sit at the lunch table. Perhaps those you choose to 'Friend' but not 'Follow' are like the however many hundreds of folks at my high school who I considered acquaintances but whose day-to-day thoughts I simply did not have the capacity to hold. I ended up with the lunch table companions I did after time engaging with them uncovered that I desired to hold with me their day-to-day thoughts. I wouldn't go out of my way to engage in person with purposefully-inflammatory people, so why would I do so on social media?
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The above is a sampling of my insides right now. Alongside it are fears of how my career is and will continue to be impacted. About how movement toward having a child is and will be impacted. BIG SHIT. It's the stuff you don't see on social media, because for me, it's not the right outlet for it. Just because it's not THERE does NOT mean it's not happening.
That said, I will continue to post the piles of masks I make. I will continue to post small dances. I will continue to post small bits of joy, because that's what I go to social media for myself. It's also a way for me to keep sharing joy through my creative work, because that IS my work and I CAN'T do it the way I prefer to right now - live and in person.
The insides.
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