Markers

My garden never got quite big enough to need markers.

I suppose it was planted that way.

Markers. Indicators. Whether in sign-posts, feelings or moments, markers help us know what's happening when. 

This year has lacked a lot of my usual markers of time and understanding . . . the beginning of Saints season, summer festivals, State Fair. These annual events are part of my larger routine that helps me get a mental and emotional grasp on where I am within the year, of my relationships, of the march of time. 

The march of time. Ever-forward, relentlessly. Maybe there can be some inspiration uncovered in considering how the various events of the past six months have disrupted the sense of time of many. Is it always marching forward, relentlessly? In a way, that idea is inspiring, this comfort that no matter what happens, time will continue in it's forward pathway. In another way, the idea that time is malleable, that we are always taking trips into the future and back into our multitude of pasts, is also inspiring.

It has been difficult for me to not see and/ or experience my usual markers. As much as I have a keen sense of adventure (at its very minimum defined by things as simple as getting up earlier than normal and taking my morning walk somewhere unusual for me), I also thrive on routine. I think I'm realizing that how I really thrive is a combination of these two things, and that the later is the one that has been more missing as of late.

I'm thirsting for better routine right now, and without a full schedule to create that structure for me, I'm going to have to do it myself. It's a good thing right now that I am pretty self-motivated, and have a history of being able to set up and stick to structures for myself. That said, given this, I tend to get disappointed when I am not able to this as quickly and successfully as I'd expected. I'm typing this to myself to ask myself to be as gentle with me as I would be with anyone else.

My garden got plated without markers for a reason: I chose to keep it simple. I wish to chose that same thing when creating new markers of time, energy, space this Fall. I don't quite know yet what they are going to indicate, but I know they will point me in the directions of movement and sharing it with others, good meals and quality time.

Markers. Off, with gentleness, to determine what they will be for a while here.