Other Things to Think About

Is optimism a well that runs dry? I suppose a well metaphor implies that there will always be more ground water and rains to fill it up when it's become/ has been emptied.

Been wondering about my well. Often quite full, it's feeling pretty dry right now. A couple days of quite down feelings in relative succession are not common for me, so it makes me ask questions.

It's hard to be pouring time into things meant to be shared that you are not quite sure will be witnessed as they should be.

As they should be? Like, in a theater full of people sitting next to one another? 'As they should be' is rightfully being debated right now in the name of innovation, and in ways, I'm totally here for it, while in ways I'm pressed on why so much effort should be poured in if no one is going to witness, even in a modified way.

Not interested in remaining sour for any longer than I need to, I'm investing in the idea that folks have a lot of other things to think about, particularly at the juncture of time in which the digital show I'm producing will be happening. This is always true about this show at this time of the year, but particularly true in a year where so much is still up in the air regarding what school will look like in less than a month.

Fixating on the lack of attention folks may be able to give to the offerings I'm trying to create rather than considering the places their attention is needing to go right now feels short-sited and, frankly, selfish.

I know this, I just can't help but feel my feelings in order to work through them as best as I can. As I know I've written numerous times during this period, I myself have not biewed many live-streamed and pre-recorded shows shared digitally, something I've had to investigate. I'm realizing that watching such offerings, especially when they are streams of old shows that happened on big theater stages with people watching live, makes me sad. In the event of live-action livestreamed shows, perhaps it's missing that energy of being in the space with other people watching it all happen from within our bodies.

I want to be a person supporting these offerings, but also am generally not a fan of forcing myself to do something that I'm really not gravitating toward.

I have been peeking at the DanceMN newsletter to get a sense of who is doing what, and am realizing that perhaps less companies than I thought are really trying to 'do shows.’ The folks I am able to get a sense of all seem to be doing pretty different things. There is a piece of me that thinks that Fall will be a better time to try and capture people's attention because there will be less to do outside, but another part of me thinks the 'hunker down' sensibility' will cause people to be less engaged in such things. I suppose all I can do is what works for me and what I have the resources for - and this is not a 'now' thing, this is an 'all the time' thing.

Sometimes, it can just be hard to figure out 'what works.'

As I maintain this ongoing process for myself, I think it'll be important for me to remember that I too have 'other things to think about.' We all do.