Sunday, April 17, 2011

Where Goed March?

Wow, it has been quite some time since this blog has past a whole month with no post. Well, I could probably check my logic on that, as it IS public record. Maybe it just feels that way, as I do hate to go too long without pouring some word out onto page.

I have been pretty dippy trippy lately. Things that I 'should not take personal' are affecting me so. But what exactly is it about job rejection and misunderstood ambition that ISN'T personal? I have always thought that the phrase is somewhat of a misnomer. If something negative comes down to you as a result of a way you have acted or your qualifications or really anything else driven directly by a quality you possess, of course it is personal.

While this may sound negative, I certainly do not mean it so. After the initial shock of something negative, resilient people like myself (or at least I think I am or am trying to convince myself so) use this personal feeling as extra motivation to bounce back. A jumping off pad for improvement. For me, I think the most difficult thing about an idea like that is the need to accept that improvement does not happen overnight. I have never been among the most patient of people, and that is most difficult when it comes to trying to improv life trajectory. I have a tendency to identify what I think I need to improve and how I think I can do it, but that process is often lengthier than I'd wish it. Here is simply another chapter in my seemingly never-ending ode to developing patience.

I am often envious of my friends who enjoy going with the flow. I do have to say that I sometimes hope they are envious of my organizational abilities. I suppose this is why people build relationships - to learn from one another's best qualities.

I'm not sure exactly where this is headed, but by does it feel good to be getting some words ie brain-reel out. I had a lovely birthday, one that passed by too quickly due to my own obligations and those of the others with whom I was celebrating. Another one passed by with a lot of pomp, but still the feeling that there was not enough time. There never is. I am not sure if this is sad or a profound reason to be as aware and involved as possible in moments as they take place. I'll go with number two. Because I have that choice.

This has always been hard for me to embrace, mostly out of the worry that I'll stop trying to better myself. I realize this is ridiculous; I am not capable of that, and that's even more clear when I write it down. So why worry? The answer is because I am good at it, and practiced :)

So my birthday horoscope told me; This year grows a new and more confident you. A financial boost will improve many parts of your life. Professional goals will lead you far from your comfort zone. You'll become masterful at a very difficult task because you keep practicing. A special relationship brings blissful times. Cancer and Leo people are your enthusiastic supporters. Your lucky numbers are: 5, 19, 33, 28 and 1.

"New and more confident" - minimize the worrying? "Financial boost" - long-time coming. But this is where the worry comes in; I don't like resting on my laurels because my horoscope said my financial situation would better itself. Those kind of things never better themselves on their own. They require action by you. The trick now is to minimize any time spent on worry and focus it in on doing everything within my reach and time to better the situation, while enjoying my current goings-on. "Professional goals far from comfort zone" - I'd say this must speak to my desire to bone up on my business skills that are lacking, particularly in the financial area. AHH! NUMBERS!!! Out of the comfort zone for sure. "Masterful at a difficult task" - again, business financial skills? Or who knows? I'd love to pick up a new skill or get better at an old one. I have been dying to be in technically challenging dance classes on a more regular basis, and that includes ballet. "Blissful times" - excellent. This area of the world is awesome already, so bring on the bliss!

So, where goed March? Where goed my birthday? Things pass when you are busy worrying about what's next. Keep looping that reminder, Erinn.

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