Sunday, February 1, 2009

Mumble Jumble

Back to a place of 'what next?' Though this place has much more definition than it used to. I now know I am for sure going home for the summer, and the question of what is beyond is the dithering. This dithering actually feels pretty good considering I know what my most immediate action will be - to return home in June. Right now, beyond that, the options have been narrowed from what they were - no school next year. No staying in Minneapolis. So that brings me back to Calgary or to Chicago - a C city of some sort it seems. No green eggs and ham please.

I like to day dream about what will become of either option - I have been looking at apartment stats in Chicago, google-earthing, checking up on the JRJP website, looking into other dance class and company options, checking out what is out there for restuarant and catering jobs, etc, and it all feels kind of exciting. At the same time, I have been plotting my return to Calgary - where I will store the minimal stuff I will leave here over the summer, thinking about how to live closer to DJD and how much that will cost, who I will live with, etc. In thinking of this, despite the fact that I have lived in Calgary the last however long, the options of coming back here and of going to Chicago seem equally easy. Erg. I suppose I can let myself settle in a place of unknowing for now, especially considering my affinity for this place.

I did a little thinking this morning about public transit. I marvelled a bit at how I have managed to rely on it almost completely (outside the occasional ride from a friend and cab), something I have truly enjoyed and would like even better about Chicago. I say this because I know transit there is much more extensive. I have been able to rely on transit here, as everything I asbolutely HAVE to get to is manageable, but I have realized there are plenty of places I suppose I would have liked to go (even if it was just exploring the Northern quadrants a bit more), but have not out of difficulty in finding a logical and time-realistic path to get there. Do not get me wrong, I have been just fine with this situation (I have had to be, considering that my budget does not allow for a car), but I know it has in some ways limited the amount I will get to see the city before I finish my tenure living here.

In that same line of thought, I am trying to figure out how to best prioritize seeing what I would like to see in surrounding Canada before I leave. Andrea and I would like to take a trip to Vancouver for sure before we head out from here, especially considering that permanent residence in this area is not part of the future plan for either of us. I hope we pick a weekend soon - I want to make sure it happens! I am also tempted to take the ten days I have between being finished at DJD and flying home to rent a car and go crazy - drive all through Banff, up to Jasper, etc. Part of me really wants to save the money I have left (and really should), but it seems a damn travesty to already be up here and not see as much as I can before I depart. I guess this is something that can be decided upon knowing better whether I will be coming back in the fall or not. If not, which means I will be making money on a regular basis and not just in the summer, I will go!

Yes, I am using this as a way to sort out my thoughts. Another thought - I hate the idea of dreaming and planning my life rather than living it. It is easy to feel like all this thought is a waste when there are things out there to do, but entertaining this kind of thought also ignores the fact that there are limitations to everything. For example - 1. It is Sunday. 2. I do not have much in the way of money. 3. I do not have much in the way of transportation. Justifications or truths? Both? Yes.


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