The Smell of Simple

The smell of simple.

In this month of May (which I deem 'Bonus Month,' as it's that extra-feeling sweet-spot between Spring and Summer), I often find myself really enjoying the smells I'm experiencing when I'm out on walks. It could be because they - the flowering trees and bushes, sunshine beating down on the ground, wet dirt - are just objectively pleasant. I don't think it's just that.

I correlate these smells with my youth, and that imbues them with the best kind of nostalgia - the kind that surfaces memories and therein feelings of life being just . . . simple.

I recognize that this is not a universal experience - life is not always as simple for children as it ideally should and could be. I'm fortunate enough to say that my experience of childhood was simple in all the best ways, at least the way I remember it!

I remember rolling around in wet dirt with my brother and painting spots of it onto him and saying he was a cow. I would say 'Hey, we were just weird,' but there should be plenty of space for such behavior to be considered normal for a kid! I remember the sounds of the Spring bugs lulling me to sleep and wake. I remember warm Summer days in my room, running a fan and my pre-teeny-bop music and contemplating the next way I'd rearrange my room (for the third time that month :)). 

These memories are certainly not all smell related. In fact, some are very sound and touch oriented. But smell was what got me going on this track this morning. On my long and leisurely walk through our neighborhood and beyond this morning (thank you Kris!), I found myself really enjoying my sense of smell, and noticing how what I was smelling seemed just like what I recall smelling in late Spring/ early Summers of my youth. So how does 'Simple' come in? A couple ways.

First, I think my mind registers these smells to a feeling of 'Simple,' and perhaps carefree, because the first times in my life I was really noticing and registering these smells were times in which I had less to worry about. Less to think about. Less responsibility. 

I don't think I mean to frame this as BETTER necessarily. I LOVE the senses of knowledge, curiosity, responsibility that have continued to grow as I've gained life experience. I think I just mean to say that same sense of 'Simple' can perhaps be found, in its own ways, in  any stage of life.

To have responsibilities does not mean you have to WORRY. To have knowledge does not mean you must try to know ALL. To be curious does not mean you have to follow EVERY curiosity that edges in. I think 'Simple' applies here because it's a helpful guide to putting your energies toward the responsibilities, curiosities and ways of knowing that MATTER MOST to YOU.

There is a certain comfort in knowing that no one can know all. In this way, there is certainly levity to wondering about something, and then letting that wonder pass without deeper pursuit. For example, this morning on my walk I found myself curious about what it would be like to watch birds more carefully. To be a birdwatcher! Shortly after that, I found myself appreciating that curiosity and the people that choose to follow it, and then letting it blow away in the gentle wind. I know that my time is a limited resource, and that I'd rather spend it going on walks that let my mind wander (toward thoughts like this!), rather than walks that are focused on appreciating birds, even though those would probably be lovely!

That's the 'Simple' in it. Do I sometimes find myself longing for those 'simpler times?' Perhaps. But when I dig deeper into those thoughts, I find that I don't want to be 5, 10 or 15 again. I just want the feelings of simplicity that came with those times. And I do experience those feelings, in their own 38-year-old ways, because I am conscious and consistent in my desire for and work to cultivate them. It's why I carve out time to go on said walks and do this writing.

I will say that a thing I don't quite have down yet, and wish to, is the ability to experience these smells and have the requisite thoughts they generate - those daydreams of 'simpler times' to take up only a brief time within my mindspace after they arrive, in favor of leaving the rest of the real estate to the present. If I haven't written about this exact topic before, I know I've at least thought about it many times. And every time, it takes me all this processing to arrive to what I did above and will say in fewer words now: 

Nostalgia for 'simpler times' is an excellent reminder to appreciate what was and evaluate and action upon what you want now and later. 

She can be concise. When she wants :). I've never claimed this blog space to be a place in which conciseness is my main aim! 

If I were to revise that statement to include the desire I just articulated, I might say:

Nostalgia for 'simpler times' is an excellent reminder to briefly appreciate what was, and to then invest some time into evaluating and actioning upon what you want now and later. 

I think that's the first thought of the three big ones from my walk, summed. Now, quickly, to the others.

"Benefit of the doubt." Another concept I'm near positive I've written about before (or at least thought about many times). I'm not quite sure the etymology of that statement, but regardless, feel it doesn't read and hear as positive as I believe it means to. From my itty bitty just now internet research, it seems its got origins in English and American legal practices, which makes sense - innocent until proven guilty and whatnot. I just think it has a negative tone, almost as if it's framed around needing to doubt, or around guilt as the natural presumption for everything. I think I'm realizing this thought process all goes back to my Belief in 'Kindness.' 

In the sort of situations in which 'benefit of the doubt' would be applied (and in general, I suppose!), I wish to apply 'Kindness,' not 'Hey, maybe they are NOT guilty.' Just last night, I saw a diaper sitting on the concrete base of a lamp post in one of the parking lots we walk through to get to the Saints stadium. I pointed it out to Kris and said something like "Geez! Who would do that?!," to which he responded something like "Erinn, not everything happens with poor intentions." Hearing him say that made me feel embarrassed that my brain had gone directly to presuming ill will.

I think it must be easy for humans to default to these ways of thinking, and that it is harder, more conscious work to actively pursue thought processes framed around kindness, and presuming positive intentions rather than negative. I think this is the kind of thought-practice that is worth the extra bit of thought-work it takes, as its result is felt (and in that way, tangible) positivity that can and does ripple out. Just thinking about what an impact this would make if all humans had the space and made the choice to think this way gives me goosebumps. 

From both privilege and work, I have the space, and I am trying my best to make the choice. I'm glad I have people around me who remind me to keep doing it when I err, as I am indeed human :)

Another topic that sprung to mind during my walk this morning that I want to unpack: "You're a young country." This idea came up in an article I was reading this week (I want to say it was a clothing style article?!), and it has really gotten me thinking. In the grand scheme, in the 'it's all relative' of it all (another thing I got thinking about this morning), we ARE. While enough time has passed for us to have collectively, throughout our history, done some egregious and amazing things, not enough time has passed for us to be able to measure our history in the same way as say Croatia or Greece. Pondering this provides me some comfort in a time in which it feels like "the greatest country in the world" (like, why do we even need to think and say that? It's NOT a contest) is struggling with how to grow toward a 'more perfect union.' In the grand scheme, maybe we just need some more time. And maybe we need to be less obsessed with 'being the best,' in favor of moving toward that 'more perfect union.'

I so appreciate that phrase, because saying 'more perfect' implies that perfection will never be reached, but that we can try, and that we should. A 'more perfect union' is one that actively makes space for everyone to be supported and appreciated. I believe, I have to believe, I wish we all would believe, that damn near EVERYONE is DOING THEIR BEST. If we all really believed that, I think we'd collectively find it simpler to help everyone along the way to that 'more perfect union.'

While I didn't seek out to 'America' my reflections this morning, I am grateful they went there on this Memorial Day. If we have to keep dealing in bodies, and it seems we do, moving beyond just 'feeling grateful' for the sacrifices of our countrypeople who have been lost to war requires that we ALL ACTIVELY work on ourselves as individuals, as much as our time and energy allows, to really seek out that 'more perfect union.' We cannot leave it up to lawmakers to solve it on just the larger scale. Our small-scale, every day matters. And I always begin where I can with immediacy. My me. Here we've come, right back around to leading with Kindness, and asking oneself to let that develop beyond.

Ok, one last small thought before I close up for the day: WHY is it that I reflect with writing on a regular basis, not movement? I think it's perhaps because writing, for me, requires only time, energy and focus (only, ha!). I often find myself thinking that 'Movement' reflection (or creation of output, I suppose) requires other bodies and studio space (and eventually, somewhere other people can watch it)? I think I'm realizing that it's about mindset (as so much often is): I see my writing as Reflection, not creative output for others to take in. Perhaps if I made space for movement to be that too, as I did during the height of the pandemic, I would find myself moving for reflection. 

I do find this here and there - I found it in the Improv class I took on Wednesday, but I do think I desire for it to be a more regular thing. So here I go, doing it. Down to the basement to action on this.

Simple :)