Irvine

Yowza. I’m not sure that I am ready yet to write about this trip, but I have made several attempts and think this one will bear something. I feel funny putting this all down in writing because I feel like I have already discussed it at length with a number of people. However, it does still help me to get it down in the word. So here goes.

I really feel like this trip could not have gone any better than it did. That said, with a feeling of severe confidence, I hope I do not set myself up to bee TOO expectant (this is mostly in relation to financial aid). I just do not want to build myself up to the point that I will not be happy with what is offered if it is not full support. Now, all that can be done is wait for that letter.

I guess that is all for now. More to come :)

Meditation

I went again this morning.

I can see this being something that I'd really like to pursue. I am sure that a large part of it is that it is very difficult for me. It baffles me how something so truly simple can be so difficult. This is surely evidence that we pile far too many things into our minds. If we are not constantly juggling several thoughts at once, its as though we are not doing anything. Or is this just me? Should I be saying we? I think probably.

Another thing that baffles me is how much easier it becomes to meditate when in a space with several other people who are doing the same or similar. I guess this falls in line with the observation I have made of myself in reasons for enjoying dance class; feeling the energy of others is an extra motivator, something that holds us accountable in our pursuits.

I was explaining to Adrienne yesterday morning that I have historically had trouble with practicing anything on my own; yoga, meditation, even stretching. In going to Common Ground, I have discovered that maybe it isn't that I cannot do any of this on my own, but that the space in which I do it matters. Home is a place of storage, preparation, and yes, sometimes relaxation. Though I am thinking that relaxation and meditation or yoga practice are not nearly the same thing.

When I pause on my own at home to practice something like this, I almost feel as though I am marking time or not really doing much of anything. This may be due to the fact that home has many options for distraction, and I am not far enough along in being consciously mindful enough to let these distracts float out of my mindframe. Therein, for me, it seems that a space to go to is key in these practices. Somehow, when I leave home and go to a designated space, an activity becomes more real. I sometimes think this perception of mine ridiculous, but I suppose it is what it is, and if it is working for me, it's working!

That said, I am grateful to have found a space that feels welcoming and warm and is affordable. I am looking forward to continuing my visits. I am invigorated by this challenging yet simply activity; to be mindful.

Trust That You Are Exactly Where You Are Meant to Be.

I think that is what I did when I went to chase the sun this morning. I saw the reflection of the pink clouds on the windows in the building next door, and the next thing I knew, I was grabbing my coat. I also laid in bed for a half hour this morning before getting up, because that is what my body felt like doing. Granted, I mentally gave myself shit the whole time, but yet, I laid there still. Part of me agrees with the shit-giving, and another part of me is impressed that I managed that stillness.

It truly can be gratifying to trust your gut. Good thing my gut does not want to drink beer and play video games all day!