I made this beautiful creature (along with Kristoffer Olson :)), and I knew he'd teach me a lot.
Prior to being a couple months in, I "knew" in concept. Being a month or two in, I think I was still so absorbed by it all that I couldn't back up far enough to reflect on what I'd already learned. Now, I feel I can step out a little to get a sense of all that I've taken in.
Adaptability and Patience. These are the two big 'reimagining' that come to mind when I consider how parenting/ mothering as already expanded who I am.
I'd like to think that prior to this experience, I was pretty adaptable. I am realizing that this trait really only applied in certain situations - controlled adaptability if you will. I'm really good at changing teaching or rehearsal plans on the fly while in the studio with groups of people. I like to think (there I go with that again!) that I'm pretty good at adapting in new social situations, taking to meeting new people with ease and enjoyment. I'm now trying to think of other ways I've been adaptable . . . and I'm finding it challenging!
The truth is, I am a creature who thrives off patterns, routines. I won't go so far as to say 'predictability,' but there are times that is indeed comforting! I suppose this should be not surprise, given that dance is all about sequencing . . . that said, I LOVE to improvise . . . in controlled scenarios in which it is relatively expected :).
I have a morning routine (that has changed/ doesn't look the same every day). I have ways that I prep my food for the week (which have changed/ don't look the same every week). I have a careful system for how I organize my emails that corresponds to how I organize my computer files that corresponds to my to-do list (ok, this hasn't had to change, outside a folder/ list item being added: "Family/ Niko!"). Perhaps these structures are what allow me to enjoy shift when it comes. To be adaptable in all the important places. That is my working theory, at least.
Needing and wanting to respond quickly to the unpredictably predictable needs of my tiny little love has really required me to flex those adaptability muscles. This metaphor feels appropriate, as muscle builds over time when you use it!
I feel the same is happening with my ability to be patient. I won't go so far as to say my 'desire,' as I have never been know to put patience anywhere near the top of a list of concepts that come easily to me. All the same, I can literally feel my patience muscles flexing when I find myself standing at the crib, yet again, gently holding Niko's nook in his mouth with one hand and lightly pressing the other on his chest so he feels the comfort of it's weight and my presence as I try to get him back/ to sleep for the fifth time in 20 minutes. Typing this out reminded me how tedious this can be, but also . . . sometimes the kind of tedium involved in building muscles feels good . . . and this feels GOOD.
I feel like I'm finding new dimensions that have always existed within me, but needed a really good reason to be tapped.
Niko is a really good reason :)
Reimagining . . . Adaptability and Patience.
