Artist-Acquired Skills and Abilities

Yes. Not 'Hidden Skills,' not 'Invisible Skills,' as I have been describing to my loved-ones around me. Time to start getting game on talking about this stuff. The not only legitimate, but unique and needed skill sets that artists seem to cultivate.

Let me get specific; what I have cultivated;

- Contract Negotiation

- Management: Front of House, Stage, Event

- Programming: Imagining, developing and seeing into successful fruition original programs

- Internal and External Communication Flow Management

- Project Management: Creation and management of objectives, timelines, staff and evaluation

- Scheduling: Managing multiple lines of schedule effectively for both individuals and groups

- Booking: Managing initial contact, booking, gathering of detail and follow-up of multiple groups in multiple spaces

- Spokesmanship

- Public Relations Strategy

- Financial Management: Developing and managing project and operational budgets

These are just 'things I do.' Many more already accomplished, and many more soon to come. Just working to get it all into terms that translate!

A Good Reminder

The following is a good reminder that we are always fortunate;

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts you have received, and pass on the love that has been given you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

So that's all, folks. Sing, praise and love, but most of all, DANCE!!!

Difficult Things

Obviously, they strike harder when coming in by surprise. I had been so desperate to get out of my current support job that I didn't realize how much it would affect me to actually leave. The people of St. John's Hospital in Maplewood, MN are truly amazing. The job itself I will not miss; being a barista is not my life's work. But I WILL miss the people. Dearly.

Again in needing to find the best balance. Need to call Deb. Part of the downtrodden energy is the feeling that I am headed into something that is even less of a good fit. I need a good fit for the support job to last. If I could make the same amount there that I would serving, I'd stay in a heartbeat.

Flux flux flux. Nothing is perfect. It's like a puzzle missing a piece; I think it got sucked up by the vacuum.

Someone Talked About Writing

A shopping bag of mixed feelings. If I were putting together a recipe of some kind, I'd be an Italian-style pad-Thai with Belgian chocolate infusions. Yep. I am really excited to get to 'be an artist' this weekend and next week, but another part of me has been eaten up by job 'troubles,' ie feeling like the perfect scenario just won't come, and in being disappointed with what I am doing. Now that I have physically expressed that, I am ashamed to even have been thinking it. I KNOW that what I am doing is awesome and amazing, yet somehow it does not stop me from comparing myself. I don't think this is a 'just me' sort of thing, I think it is a human thing, but that does not put a wrench in how inevitably un-helpful and and pointless it is. Yet, we do it. Why? Shouldn't your best standard of comparison be your own dreams?

I think I am realizing that a part of this is that I may be letting the dreams of others stand in where I would put my own. I have a lot of things that interest me and I am ultimately very excited about the world, but I am not sure I have a good definition of some precise or even ballpark dreams. My wide array of interests and desires always keeps me from focusing in. Now, I know I am capable of going the exact opposite way and charting an exact, by-the-year pathway of what I am going to do and how I am going to do it (yes been there, done that), but I know now that doesn't work either. It is the extreme opposite end.

I think there must be a great deal of skill in knowing your achievable (yet still shooting-high) dreams and encouraging their development while letting the rest take care of itself. That is where the grey area is; up to what point can you encourage development before you are an obsessed meddler who cannot enjoy their own life? I think this also begs questions of 'what is enjoy?' I think a lot of people see enjoyment as 'free time,' or time away from what they are doing on a regular basis. I do not want my enjoyment to be 'time away.' What I enjoy most is usually related to my overall goals. But here; because these goals are 'serious,' is it then harder to release into plain enjoyment? Who knows.

I know a perfect balance won't just show up when you snap your fingers. In fact, it will never show up. That's the thing. This idea of perfection. This thought certainly isn't new (which ones are?), but just a reminder to myself and anyone else who may find it valuable that perfection is non-existent, and that it not sad, it's awesome. It keeps us striving for more. Yet, in order for that awesomeness to accepted, I think it needs to come along with a certain amount of ability to be content.

What I really cannot figure out is why what people around me are doing seems ok or even awesome to me when I am doing similar or even more, yet for me it's not enough? Maybe I see what they are doing as enough because they are content with where they are, and that really does come across. I want that contentment. What brings this contentment to the lives of my friends? Do they KNOW that they are doing everything that can to get to where they want, and are comfortable with letting progress happen as it does, are they hiding that they are not completely content? I cannot figure this out.

It seems that I am afraid that if I allow in contentment, I also allow in room for slowing down or stagnating. Maybe so. But how worth it is it really to barrel forward if you cannot enjoy what you accomplish along the way?

I feel like a write an iteration of this same post every three or four months. I just keep coming back to this. A good reminder that some stances do not figure themselves out over the course of a couple months?

I think a good place to leave this is that my awareness of the tendencies discussed above is a good place to start. General concept of psychology? Maybe. True and probably helpful? Yes.

"You Can't get caught in the 'web of words.'"

Harvard Center for Brain Research

http://thebeautifulbrain.com/2011/04/gallery-elizabeth-jameson-spring-2011/

Where Goed March?

Wow, it has been quite some time since this blog has past a whole month with no post. Well, I could probably check my logic on that, as it IS public record. Maybe it just feels that way, as I do hate to go too long without pouring some word out onto page.

I have been pretty dippy trippy lately. Things that I 'should not take personal' are affecting me so. But what exactly is it about job rejection and misunderstood ambition that ISN'T personal? I have always thought that the phrase is somewhat of a misnomer. If something negative comes down to you as a result of a way you have acted or your qualifications or really anything else driven directly by a quality you possess, of course it is personal.

While this may sound negative, I certainly do not mean it so. After the initial shock of something negative, resilient people like myself (or at least I think I am or am trying to convince myself so) use this personal feeling as extra motivation to bounce back. A jumping off pad for improvement. For me, I think the most difficult thing about an idea like that is the need to accept that improvement does not happen overnight. I have never been among the most patient of people, and that is most difficult when it comes to trying to improv life trajectory. I have a tendency to identify what I think I need to improve and how I think I can do it, but that process is often lengthier than I'd wish it. Here is simply another chapter in my seemingly never-ending ode to developing patience.

I am often envious of my friends who enjoy going with the flow. I do have to say that I sometimes hope they are envious of my organizational abilities. I suppose this is why people build relationships - to learn from one another's best qualities.

I'm not sure exactly where this is headed, but by does it feel good to be getting some words ie brain-reel out. I had a lovely birthday, one that passed by too quickly due to my own obligations and those of the others with whom I was celebrating. Another one passed by with a lot of pomp, but still the feeling that there was not enough time. There never is. I am not sure if this is sad or a profound reason to be as aware and involved as possible in moments as they take place. I'll go with number two. Because I have that choice.

This has always been hard for me to embrace, mostly out of the worry that I'll stop trying to better myself. I realize this is ridiculous; I am not capable of that, and that's even more clear when I write it down. So why worry? The answer is because I am good at it, and practiced :)

So my birthday horoscope told me; This year grows a new and more confident you. A financial boost will improve many parts of your life. Professional goals will lead you far from your comfort zone. You'll become masterful at a very difficult task because you keep practicing. A special relationship brings blissful times. Cancer and Leo people are your enthusiastic supporters. Your lucky numbers are: 5, 19, 33, 28 and 1.

"New and more confident" - minimize the worrying? "Financial boost" - long-time coming. But this is where the worry comes in; I don't like resting on my laurels because my horoscope said my financial situation would better itself. Those kind of things never better themselves on their own. They require action by you. The trick now is to minimize any time spent on worry and focus it in on doing everything within my reach and time to better the situation, while enjoying my current goings-on. "Professional goals far from comfort zone" - I'd say this must speak to my desire to bone up on my business skills that are lacking, particularly in the financial area. AHH! NUMBERS!!! Out of the comfort zone for sure. "Masterful at a difficult task" - again, business financial skills? Or who knows? I'd love to pick up a new skill or get better at an old one. I have been dying to be in technically challenging dance classes on a more regular basis, and that includes ballet. "Blissful times" - excellent. This area of the world is awesome already, so bring on the bliss!

So, where goed March? Where goed my birthday? Things pass when you are busy worrying about what's next. Keep looping that reminder, Erinn.

I suck at finding the right key.

I suck at finding the right key. That was the first sentence that seemed to want to come out. This is not the kind of work that can be done with distraction in the background? How does he do it?

Defining successes. Seems like it sure is hard to know if you have accomplished anything if you do not first decide how to identify accomplishment. Success.

How is it that everything you do not want to do just seems to get harder with each thing you do that you DO want? It is a taste of the good wine. What are the limitations to the good wine? How often are you teaching? Who are you teaching? I want to create dances that are kinetic, physically pushing, I want to do leaps and turns and things that challenge me. Where? How? Go get it and bring it back. Only so much that can be done at once? Would it be easier to do with the feeling of less financial strain, or would it just feel like temporary compromise in the face of attempting non-compromise? One sure does not know until it is tried. But the constraints of the familiar are easy to keep the kite tied down. If everything is a spinning plate balancing on a tiny stick, what happens when the plate stops spinning so fast? Or stops spinning all together?

Larger things; what if you never find out what happens, out of the desire to maintain complete composure despite lack of exact fit? It's like that pair of jeans. Once you have found them, you never want to take them off. But how long does it take, wandering from mall to mall to thrift store, pushing through options on racks upon racks? At a certain point, do you just give up wanting that pair of jeans?

The things I say I'd do with my 'time.' Where are my friends? Can I work on my crafts while we watch TV? Would it even be fun, or am I too tired? I'm too tired, at least in the usual TV watching context.

I felt really strange today, spending time in a mall, looking at things that I do not prioritize for, spending time that could have been spent catching up on the world. There is only so much you can do of each, depending upon your reality and desire it seems. You know what happens when there are walls around? You wonder what is outside of them. And for the compulsive wonderers?

I have located the things I enjoy, and now it is locating how to do more of those things and less of others. What a profound statement that was. I used to spend a lot of time doing things like this, and having it feel more paramount to my existence. That being said, that was also at a time that I had less people in my physical proximity and really wasn't working.

All of this stream is REALLY fragmented today. These are all tributaries to one bigger river. Kind of like this ass sitting where it is right now, kind of like the idea of being out somewhere else, with people. When might I like the thing that is happening best? Is there a term for people who compulsively think about the future? I hate labels. I wouldn't say this tendency causes a whole ton of worry (some, for sure, but that seems pretty normal). It is more a result of being the opposite of a procrastinator, someone always seeking what might be the next best opportunity for making everything that is happening better than it is. Now, this sounds nice in theory. In not theory, what it does is drive a girl crazy by never letting her enjoy what is happening when it is. is.

Better money at the Muff. Be ok with that or still feel like the skills are not being developed? Keep paying for the Y? Teaching? Letting things come as they will. Wasn't the idea to let pursuits be the way I develop skills? But how do I make that tangible for future employers? BAH. Too much thinking and not enough living seems like a hard pill to swallow when the current living is not 75% good at least. But what factors into that number?

Success as a choreographer:

- To push my interests and continue developing

- To provide paying opportunities for dancers

- To be recognized by the community

- To have opportunities to show work elsewhere

Success as a performer:

- Paid opportunities

- Opportunities to perform with people I respect

- Performing with people respected in the community

I am hitting many of these ideas as we speak (or have very recently). Maybe I should fixate less on the proper position and more on the skills I enjoy using and would like to develop;

- Event planning and coordination

- All details that surround this (staff management, billing, marketing, etc).

Unfortunately, my interests are shared by many others. Aw, well. I am awesome!

Maybe I really did just want to hang at home tonight. :) Do I want to play the bass or sell it? Dedicate time to a hobby that needs time for me to get good at? At least it doesn't cost anything to practice at home! This string of thoughts does not seem to be going anywhere coherent. I really want to go on a run. I'll need it tomorrow. Nice, then? No, of course it's going to rain! Yoga teacher training? What really IS my interest in getting people moving? Helping them by showing them awesome dance? Cultivating ideas about why it is good? Is it really actually teaching classes or writing about the benefits? I think I might be best off reaping the benefits for myself. Maybe I should try to start teaching social dance? Swing/ Latin/ etc? I do not want to get stuck in partner stuff. My passion is not for weight equipment, that is for sure. I really like writing. General coordination around a cause I support seems like a good idea to me. If I am not creating the work, I should go to the work that has been created. Now I just have to keep my eye out for the right fit. Well, I'm not going to try hoping in that boat too fast when I just hopped in the PT boat and am not sure I am even going to use it. I should probably do myself a favor and let it come to me in it's time.