The Beginnings of a Jazz Manifesto

I spent a great deal of time trying to formulate my thoughts on the Wen Wei Dance show I experienced on April 15th. Not one to normally experience a knee-jerk reaction after seeing a show, I usually need some time to mull over what I saw before I can really know my thoughts. However, the week it took me with this show seemed excessive. After mulling a bit, I realized that training deeply in a certain approach can tint your glasses. By that, I mean when I was training in a modern-based university, I saw shows like this all the time, and, while they often did not move mountains for me, they were easy to tap into, and after seeing so much of the same kind of movement, it was harder to discern that much of it seemed recycled. After spending the greater portion of a year training with Decidedly Jazz Danceworks, I noticed quickly how much the Wen Wei show seemed to look like so many of the other shows I was seeing in the Twin Cities. DJD has altered my outlook on dance quite a bit this year, for numerous and varied reasons. Not one to be short on words and definitely one to ponder my thoughts through writing, I followed these tendencies and launched into these reasons below.

CONNECTION TO AND RESPECT FOR THE MUSIC:
I am modivated to move most often by the sounds and rhythms that I hear, so to me, this is often simply the most authentic way for me to get engaged in dance (and authenticity is argueably a concept important to all dance practicioners across the board). Purpose for and connection with the music is such a large part of what is done at DJD, and this aspect of it is easily identifiable to me as the main reason why I feel personally in tune with the work. I like to dance when I am out at a club just as much as I like to dance on stage, and the common thread between those two things is music. DJD has brought me closer to using my eyes, ears and mind keenly regarding the relationship of dance and music. The Wen Wei show could have been performed in near silence, and likely would have been as affective for me as it was with the score being used, due to both the music's lackluster quality, and the lack of connection between it and the choreography and performance. Dance existing as a spawn of the music is NOT something that should be looked down upon. So many modern and contemporary schools believe that the dance should come first, and that the music should be created or found for it. While I appreciate this idea and sometimes engage in it myself, I do not think it is the be-all-end-all of dance.

VALIDITY & JAZZ:
My previous deep, institutional training was executed by a set of people in which there were many believers of the 'Be-all-end-all, music-after-movement' adage. Fortunately, there were a couple who were not so straight-lined, but in fact had their feet pretty firmly planted on the other side of the line, such as my wonderful jazz instructor Karla Grotting. This is not to say that none of the people from either side waivered over the line - there was quite a bit of waivering (and truthfully, I am coming to think that much of my choreographic product waivers in this area as well). It is to say that this line I speak of seemed quite tangible. As I got further into my schooling, I discovered that, with its respect for and connection with the music, as well as the notation of history and permission to emote, jazz dance seemed to be my most fitting form. I have since placed great importance on the continuation and development of jazz dance within the Twin Cities and in general, and have done a lot of thinking regarding how to fight of the music-after-movement skeptics. Some of the various thoughts I have collected;

- Collaboration: As a jazz dancer, you are not a 'slave to the music,' but a part of a collaboration. The musical part of the collaboration, be it in improvising or in dancing to a piece of pre-recorded music, can serve to take you places as a dancer that you may not have gone on your own.
- Versatility: Jazz music has fused with pretty much every other form of music, and if it hasn't, it can. Owning the basics of this dance form can provide a base for catapulting into new musical movement territory.
- Instrumentation: When people hear the word instrument, they think music. However, the word 'instrument' simply refers to a device. Both dancers and musical instruments (and a great deal of other such things) are devices to convey emotion, so why not explore those two devices together for a more powerful affect?
- Which Came First? Music or Movement: This can be as age-old as the chicken-egg arguement. Dance and music are inherently connected. Music cannot be made without a body, and the body often best responds emotionally to music. When seen in this light, their interconnection seems hard to deny.
- Embracing Humanness: When experiencing a dance that simply seems to be celebrating the music, if one takes into account the inherent humanness of dance and music existing as result of one another, this dance already has its purpose, and there should be no need to add on an externally-modivated purpose if the creator did not feel it necessary. This incredible humanness alone is enough to create purposeful, satisfying dance.
-Rhythm is Key: Our body runs on the rhythm of our heart. We can make rhythm with our bodies. It seems that the concept of rhythm could be the key to future permutations of dance, considering that it is always there, regardless of the status of music.
- Music & Dance Are Still Important in Popular Culture: With music, this statement seems obvious. With dance, it is becoming moreso (with positive and negative affects) due to television shows such as 'So You Think You Can Dance.' I have questioned in the last couple of years why it seems that when it comes to entertaining oneself, people do not seem to 'go out dancing' anymore. While this was a sad black hole of thought for me for awhile as a lover of social dance, it became clear to me with more thought that it is not that people do not 'go dancing' anymore, they simply refer to it as something else ('going to the club'), and execute it differently (most often more free-form than in the past, where learned, uniform dances such as the waltz, fox-trot, polka and lindy hop dominated).
- Jazz is an Audio, Visual and Corporeal History of Our Country: I don't know that this needs much justification. :) If history is not a valid modivator, why the hell do we continue to support ballet?
- Definitions: Jazz music and dance employ rather different definitions. In a way, I think that jazz music seems more open than dance to taking different fusion forms under the hood of its main title, but I also tend to think the term 'Jazz' has become a bit of a catch-all in the dance world. It seems that dance latches onto the 'jazz' title for anything that exercises counts and uses that device as a way to provide a surface-level musical connection, and this could be a big reason why certain crowds of dance enthusiasts seem to be skeptical of 'jazz.' When done properly, dance to jazz music can have such a deep, emotion connection with the music that offers performance power like no other. When seen this way, I find it very difficult to be skeptical. It will take work to well-define each, but in the mean time, I know that for me personally, being able to grasp a hold of and use this defined word of 'jazz' has become less important. As far as I am concerned, I am modivated by sound and rhythm, and much of the music that inspires me does not fall directly under the hood of 'jazz.' This does not stop the fact that it inspires me, but I think it will force me to try and find a new definition for what I seem to create. These thoughts have lead me to another word to ponder: Vernacular.
-Modern Disconnect: A modern disconnect from jazz music seems to be the attitude that it is 'sit and listen' music. Even if it is free jazz that employs close to no identifiable rhythmic structure, this music is still utterly capable of making a body want to move, and people should be encouraged to do so and in turn become an active participant, rather than to sit and be a passive observer.

DIGGING FOR INTEGRITY& HONESTY IN PERFORMANCE:
An additional side-affect that I have experienced from training at DJD this year is the desire for and practice of knowing not only the intentionof the dance, but how you fit into it. Knowing the choreographer's intention is all fine and good, but if you do not know how to make it come across, something is missing. I believe the dancers in the Wen Wei show did the best they could with what they had, which seemed to be direction lacking clarity. I saw loose relationships develop and create suggestions, but the nonchalantness of their performance against a non-changing sound backdrop made it hard to distinguish which situations were important. To find a connection between intention and performance at DJD, it is not only encouraged, but expected that a dancer actively pursues this through combinations of speaking with the choreographer, creating a back story or character for oneself, going through dances and examining the opportunities to exploit these ideas, as well as opportunities to connect with one another if that is what the dance calls for. These are just examples, but the through-line is knowing how to develop your performance so as to best communicate the idea. The movements alone are not enough - they must be executed with integrity and honesty to your background for the piece to really get the intention across. For me personally, this meant not being afraid to show emotion through my face. Overdoing it is often better than under, as overdone can be toned down, but underdone can make it hard to dig that emotion out.

THE JOY OF TEACHING:
With several opportunities to sub adult classes, I rediscovered my desire to share my passion with competent, developed people who wish to be there and absorb the knowledge. I was able to form some great classes, including specific classic exercises I plan to bring home and integrate into the workshops I will be teaching this June at Zenon Dance Company & School (a very exciting step for me).

CREATE, CREATE, CREATE, AND KEEP DOING IT:

If you want to be a choreographer, you must be creating consistently. In my mind's eye, I know this is true, but it never hurts to hear it again. A couple times. No - Consistently. I have commited myself to the idea of daily improvisation practice, and have began to read Twyla Tharp's book 'The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It For Life,' so as to better understand myself as a creator and what I need to do to keep myself at my most productive and high-quality level.

THE BODY CAN ALWAYS DO MORE:
I am musical and connected, rhythmically correct and invested, but I can always push myself further physically. I hesitate to say 'technique,' because that causes self-doubt and gets me in my head, but thinking 'physically' makes me push further. In addition to our dance training, I took up going to the gym and taking yoga classes for a period of time, and I was pleasantly surprised to see just how easy it was to take on more. This also further developed my interest in personal training, as well as a desire to see just how much physical conditioning I can take on and what the results might be in the future. I believe that additional training and conditioning, paired with willingness to push myself physically while dancing, can take me places as a performer and movement lover in general.

TO CONCLUDE:
I enjoy chocolate-chip cookies and yet-to-be-defined baked-goods, all in the same basket.

Whaaa? I will connect this seemingly random subtitle in a moment, rest assured. Back to a previous connector, my observations of the Wen Wei show made more sense to me as I considered the fashion of my training this year. Who knows; maybe if I had been training in a modern school all year, I would have raved about it. However, I know myself well enough to doubt this. I think I have simply had the opportunity to better understand why it is that I enjoy dance, and much of that has to do with respect for and use of the music, alongside many other great reasons. As I move further on my creative journey, it seems to me that jazz as a dance form is a delicious chocolate-chip cookie, fresh out of the oven when done right (like at DJD), and that while I know I enjoy baked goods (dance/ movement creation), and am getting a better idea of what spices to add to make the product as delicious as possible, I am still figuring out the best cooking methods and what to call this delicious baked good when it is done. Regarding the place of my time with DJD on this journey, I can say with utmost certainty that I tried some amazingly delicious cookies, and am much closer to figuring out my recipe. With equal certainty, I offer that I am sure my recipe will include chocolate chips.

Double-Sided Tape

I have been trying to formulate my thoughts on the Wen Wei Dance show that I experienced on Wednesday night for quite some time now. Not one to normally experience a knee-jerk reaction after having seen a show, I usually need some time to mull over what I saw before I can really know my thoughts about it. However, the amount of time this show has taken me has gotten excessive. I can only find it fit, then, to assume that I have mixed feelings. Double-sided tape.

To begin, after mulling a bit, it WAS easy for me to realize how much training a lot in one certain form can skew your perception of everything you see. By that, I mean that when I was training in mostly modern in university, I saw shows akin to this all the time, and, while they often did not move mountains for me, they were a mode of thought easy to tap into. Due to the frequency with which I saw such shows, I also noticed less when I felt that the vocabulary looked awful similar from one show to the next. Because I was seeing so much of the same kind of movement, it was harded to discern the fact that much of it, when looking in from outside, seems recycled. After spending the greater portion of the year training with DJD, I noticed quickly how much this show seemed to look like so many of the other shows I was seeing in the Twin Cities. DJD has altered my outlook on dance quite a bit this year. At least in practice. Purpose for and connection with the music is such a large part of what is done at DJD, and one of my favorite parts. I like to dance when I am out at a club just as much as I like to dance on stage, and the common thread between those two things - music. Dance existing as a spawn of the music is NOT something that should be looked down upon. So much of the modern and contemporary schools believe that the dance should come first, and the music be created for it. While I appreciate this idea and sometimes engage in it myself, I do not think it is the be-all-end-all of dance. I am modivated to move most often by the sounds and music I hear, so to me, this is simply, often the most authentic way for me to get engaged in dance. And authenticity is a concept that is arguably important to all dance practicioners across the board.

That being said, I had a very hard time with the sound scape in the show. The choreographer's notes explained that the concept is trying to explore dual cultures, being a Chinese-born Canadian. He wanted to do this though the use of Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons.' I heard the first season worked into the scratchy, repetative soundscape, but none of the next three because I had been placed into a lull by the surrounding sounds. The soundscape did very little for me because it never went anywhere. Apparently the concept surrounded the idea of a day or a year in the life of, and while I can see that one might envision such a cycle as relatively consistent, it can also be thought (and I think would be more effective) that a day or year cycle has many ups and downs, both major and minor, so why not show that? I think that came through here and there decently well in the choreography, but my ability to really bite into the dance I was watching was negated by the sound that NEVER seemed to shift. It made me think about what I was going to eat when I got home a couple times, as well as let my eyes droop more than a few times. I am not trying to say that all dance has to be directly connected to the music, but if you are going to have music, find a way to make it purposeful somehow. I almost thought that this show could have been performed in near silence and that it would have affected me nearly as well. I am simply saying that training with DJD this year has made my eyes, ears and mind keen to the purpose with the music, and really further developed my love for dance that really USES the music.

An additional side-affect that I have experienced from training at DJD this year is really knowing not just the intention, but how you fit into it. Knowing the choreographer's intention is all fine and good, but if you do not know how to help it come across, something is missing. Here, to find that, it has been combinations of speaking with the choreographer, creating a back story or character for yourself, going through the dance and examining where you have opportunities to exploit these ideas, and also finding opportunities to connect with one another as ideas or characters if that is what the dance calls for. These are just examples. But the through-line - KNOWING the ways in which how you perform can help to communicate the idea. The movements alone are not enough - they must be executed the right way to really get things across. I think that the dancers in this show did the best with what they had. I saw loose relationships develop that seemed to suggest that they were just examples of what a certain relationship can look and behave like without creating a specific story about Jane and John Doe who were dancing together. This idea was aided by some really physically interesting and innovative partnering that was executed astonishingly. Overall, I DID get the feeling that these were many different people moving through many different things, but I felt for awhile like these things were supposed to be important, considering that the choreographer returned to many specific formations and repeated certain gestures, but with the nonchalantness with which the repeats were performed, and against a non-changing sound backdrop, it was hard to try and distinguish why the repeated situations were important at all.

In regards to the 'generic people experiencing things' idea previously mentioned, I felt that the vocabulary for the most part was conducive to this, but the very beginning scene, in which the dancers walk out and stand in parallel facing forward and staring into the audience, was clique and unnecessary. I hate the word clique, and honestly belive that if something such as that was imporant to you as the choreographer to include, more power to you. However, I cannot as an audience member shake the fact that the only impact that image had on me was 'modern dance staring. 'I am every man, and I make that clear by standing here in the beginning and staring at you before I move.'' I would have been happy for them to have simply launched into the next sequence, which was one straight line running from up to down stage, which moved across from St R to St L in interesting patterns that came back later in the dance.

All in all, such observations as the one I made above are likely clearer to me considering the fashion of my training as of late. Who knows - maybe if I had been training in a modern school all year, I would have raved about it. However, I know myself well enough to doubt this. I think I have simply had the opportunity to better understand why it is that I enjoy dance, and much of that has to do with music. I felt about this show much like the function of double-sided tape; Opposed.

Methods of Strumming

Dragged strumming. No picks, just fingers. Lacking definition, but comfortably soft. A comfort level that can only be maintained so long while remaining comfortable. But straying away to a new method brings new challenges and new ways of presentation. Such a leaping off point can be its own method of comfortable, if the subject is ready and wanting of the challenge. If the ready and wanting are not present, neither is comfort.

I am not too sure if I need a pick or just my fingers, nor do I know which is which for what is desired. That is most likely due to the fact that the subject of want is still quite unclear. Each way to stray seems to have its benefits and drawbacks. I am feeling a bit of a dent in the side of my zepplin after talking with my assumed summer employer this morning. Laid two people off this year? Not surprising. What is; unsure as to if they will be hiring anyone for the summer, as the current employees have been at one another for shifts and the patio opening is likely to assuage the situation. I have experienced no worry about summer employment up to this point. This dent has caused me to evaluate with more fervor the situation I am about to walk into, and how much I am really looking forward to it. I want coming home to be a re-charge, a refreshing stop between now and what is to come next on the grand scheme of career betterment in dance. With the prospective assumed job looking dim, I cannot help but feel dim about it all in general - I question if this time back will in fact be a pit-stop, or if I will instead fall in the ditch. I know myself well enough to know that I will not ALLOW myself to fall in the ditch, but the worry of course still crosses the mind. Doubt is an extremely common part of the human condition, yes? Or I will choose to believe so in order to work on tapping out the dent on the zepplin.

Truly, everything does work itself out, but I have extreme difficulty not having a plan of some sort. In general, I have been working to operate with a casual demeanor in regards to the directions my life takes, but for the most part, the point of the compass has been somewhat clear throughout. It is arguable to say that it still is, as I know physically where I will be in a month, where I will sleep, but everything in between those major details is still pretty elusive. I am generally a fan of purposeful positive thinking, but receiving today negative information about the state of my assumed emplyoment for the summer makes it very difficult to continue this purposeful choice and ignore the fact that the unemployment rate in the US at this time is 8.5. Considering that I have not even been in the country for severl months, let alone working consistently for anyone, I do now feel caught up in a current of worry regarding the obtaining the regarding of a job. And yes, true, I do think eventually I will find something, but I lament the wasted time finally getting to it when I could have been working, as well as the fact that it may not pay as well as the assumed job for which I was planning. I am not one to need to much, and I intend to keep a relatively tight budget this summer, but I was looking forward to letting a little bit more loose than I have been these last few months, so as to feel unhindered from doing the things we may want to do while I have time with my loved ones from home. I also heartily dislike putting so much focus on monetary gain, but in light of the hard, unignorable facts that I have been depleating my savings for months now, I cannot help but put focus on this, no matter how much it bothers me.

I suppose some discouraged feelings here and there are natural, but indeed hard to acknowledge them in light of their deflating of feelings of anticipation for your next step, which is in fact only a relatively small stepping stone to the next step. Now it is all a matter of the interaction between feelings that cannot be helped and choices made to decide the method with which I will strum.

West Edmonton Mall

The mall was a strange occurance. Just something I wanted to see (not necessarily participate in, just see), and I went out of my way to hop a bus and check it out. All the express buses the for the day, I caught the #1, an extrodinarily-long route with many stops. While this at times seemed like an inconvenience, it was really a semi-hidden, semi-obvious blessing. The ride there was in the daylight, so I was able to observe the change from downtown to outskirts, in class, in upkeep, in charm (the respective levels of the former not always in ways one would expect). Even within the edges of downtown, there were small-time, small-budget establishments whose edging on run-down gave them character rather than a sense of repulsion. I am having a hard time deciphering between whether Edmonton has hidden charm, or pockets of. I think it is pockets of; there are sections of town that seem impersonal and boxy, like the South portion we first drove into. However, there were sections of town that were positively charming, like when you come to the bridges of the river valley and first see the large river and raiven that edge directly, steeply up to meet downtown. Brilliant. I digress.

There were of course some characters on the bus. There was a man who was smiley and giggly, to the point that you could not tell if he was friendly or drunk. There was the heavily-accented but soft-spoken old Greecian woman who I sat next to, with whom I exchanged a couple of small conversations - just enough for it to be pleasant. There was the too-young-mom whose ambitions clearly got overlooked, but that was overshadowed by how much she clearly loved and enjoyed her young son, who spent the majority of the ride scream-giggling out of joy (which I surprisingly for the most part enjoyed). On the way back, there was a woman sitting next to me who inched on passive-aggressive elbow-wars (which I sometimes get pulled into, and this was one of those times). Such occurances can be frustrating, but this time they were not for me, because I was content in observing, both the negative and the positive. Both need to exist for a well-rounded world. And it of course always helps when you have prescribed the situation its own soundtrack, this time Collective Soul, self-titled. It is like watching an abstract film that has both a sound score and subconcious commentary. All if you choose to observe. I digress yet again.

My trip to the mall was also made pleasant by my bus driver, who not only made sure I understood the routes I needed, but also joked with me. I arrived at the mall 50 minutes before closing time with no stress in my heart because I knew I would not be there for long. I had come to simply observe, and that was whole-heartedly the extent of my wishes. I parted with my Greecian friend and made my way into the white stone fortress.

The best way I can describe it was that it was its own strange little world. I choose strange in the fact that, to me, it does not have a positive or negative connotation in particular, it just quirkily IS. Exists. I felt neither positive or negative judgement toward the place (as I expected to, of course the judgement being the later of the options), just strangeness. Its, strange, isolated existence, both geographically and meta-physically, were enough to baffle me and make me giggle simultaneously. I am glad for its existence, simply so I can marvel at its strangeness, and enjoy the fact that the mall that had too many stores to count, a casino, an amusement park, a water park, a skating rink, demo platforms, fountains, Chinatown, a friggin pirate ship floating in a little sea in a rotunda, and probably many other equally-baffling things that I forgot to mention, a place that probably housed many who had spent away their entire day, took me only 45 minutes and a Tim Horton's coffee (to make change for the bus of course). Though fakeness seemed to permeate the walls, as I came across both a Euro-walk and a Chinatown that wre given their character and strive toward authenticity with plastic, molded architectural likenesses on the wall, I can STILL level with the mall's existence. A slice of life. It just made me grateful for my passion to get out and see 'the real thing,' and my growing ability to see things offered for purchase as 'just stuff.' Truthfully, there was so much to look at, let alone DO, that there was to much at which to look. Though I am admittably easily-overwhelmed, this was overwhelming. For some, it must be an enjoyable experience. For others, it turns them away and toward a quest for the simple. Seemingly, there is polarity in everything; Even the mall.

New Hair, Old Schedule

Out with the old, in with the new, and back in with the old again.

New: Hair cut -

Unfortunately, these pictures do not best-represent how blond and how bodied the cut is. I love it!

As for bringing back in the old, it is back to the old schedule with "Live and In Synch" now over. It was a great two week performance journey, and I do miss the show. I would have loved to have that third week we were supposed to have, but at the same time it is great to be back in class and soaking that kind of information in as much as possible before time here is finite.

Not much inspirational or deep for me to say right now, just the basics of life as it functions. And really just to put up pictures of the hair, yes?

Jumble?

I great many days between posts. I have not had much time to process quietly to myself through words for quite a bit. The last couple weeks have been a constant stream of goings-on; this is not a complaint, but rather, just something to notice. I cannot suggest, however, that I have no strong feelings regarding what was keeping me busy. A dance festival that I had choreography in, Kris coming to visit, rehearsal for a show for DJD and classes are all REALLY wonderful things to keep busy with.

Walking home after cashing my check today from DJD, it hit me that this is my job right now - performing. I felt exhausted, and had a check in hand to compensate for said exhaustion. What a great feeling. I have been paid for dance before, but not as much (for performing) and not as regularly. It occured to me on my walk that this could be the situation all the time. Of course, I am fully aware that you can make a living in just dance, even just performing, but I have not experienced it quite as fully up until now. A good feeling indeed.

I have also had some revelations regarding teaching, as I have been doing quite the amount of subbing as of late. I always through I just did not care for teaching much and that I just was not very good at it, but that is not it at all - it was just the content of what was being taught, and to whom. I will put it this way - I am not a children's ballet teacher. I have been subbing adult funk and modern, and have very very much enjoyed myself. Beyond that, the students have enjoyed themselves as well, making it clear by coming up after class and asking where I normally teach (to which I have to sadly respond "Nowhere at the moment!") With adults and forms I am interested in, I can communicate clearly and comfortably, and can really see a change when I provide insight to the class. It is so exciting to see the concepts get embodied. I have of course experienced that with advanced dancers in the choreography that I have created, but there is just something special about seeing a beginning student have a lightbulb flash in their brain - I am usually equally to MORE excited than them when this occurs! I have been able to gather that I truly do enjoy teaching, and have made it another quest for before I leave Calgary to have solid beginning and advanced jazz classes ready to teach, to bring back to the Twin Cities. I met with Joanne about this, and she provided me some of her insight as a teacher, as well as the information that we are welcomed to check out any videos in the DJD library, which include videos of some of the company dancers teaching specific techniques (Luigi, Matt Maddox, Betsey Hauge, etc.) I have been doing my best to write down some good, solid basics of these masters to use in class, but it most certainly will be helpful to have a video to reference when really trying to get it all notated solidly. I am feeling very excited about the idea of having these solid classes to try and offer back home - try to find a Y, a studio, somewhere (I was thinking maybe Tapestry Folk Dance Center?) to offer a beginning adult jazz class so I can get the practice teaching, as well as begin to further stir interest in the form at home.

As for the next choreographic project, I suppose I should contenplate the last one before moving on. Alberta Dance Explosions went fabulously. There were a couple tech fumbles on closing night, but it was solid other than that. Our tech on that Monday night went longer than I expected, but that was due to the fact that they actually hung some specials for me, which was a lovely treat. Tech run Tuesday, public dress rehearsal on Wednesday, the same day that Kris came in. I actually felt that dress rehearsal was the best run of the piece we had. Good thing the audience was full! The audience was close to sold out every night of the run, which was also very pleasant. I had a great time getting to meet some other area choreographers and seeing what they had to offer. I also really enjoyed seeing how they ran their festival as well, as someone who would like to put together more such shows myself. The one big thing I did note was that they offered a survey to each choreographer at the end - a splendid idea, and I was sure to fill it out and return it promptly. I know I always love to get feedback, and they certainly deserve to receive some after providing us each an opportunity to showcase out work. I wanted to be sure they knew I appreciated the opportunity, so I made cards for the key players. Closing night was lovely - my dancers got me a gift (the sweetest hood-scarf ever, which has barely come off my head since then). I really appreciated it - it was me that should be giving gifts and not them, but I wrote them cards and am taking them out for wine and sushi this weekend, so I figure that is a valid thank you. I also really enjoyed receiving a check for the presentation of my work - it has kind of been a stretch of several days of payment for dance, a REALLY nice departure from the norm of not receiving paychecks. Just receiving a paycheck was nice, but the checks all being for different dance-related things was the icing on the (dance cake?) The best thing about the festival for sure was how the piece turned out. I can say honestly that I feel very sure that the piece, at its moment in time, turned out just the way it should be right now, and Kaja and Andrea performed it better than I ever could have asked for. Their willingness to be a part of the process and great decisions for active performance were overwhelmingly wonderful. I certainly had a lot of moments over the weekend of 'Wow, I am so glad I came here. I would not be here doing this festival with these wonderful people had I not come.' What a great thing to feel.

Kris' visit was very nice. It was for the most part great, good fun, and the parts that were not great, good fun were great and good in their own ways. I have really appreciated both of us being able to open up to one another more as we get to know one another better, as well as developing the ability to talk about important things when they need to be talked about, as well as when to leave them on the backburner in favor of enjoying more simple things presented in the moment. It'll be a tough three months (who ever thought I would be thinking such a thing about anyone? Certainly not me - I call that personal growth :) ) but it'll play out just fine. I am definately not wanted to wish my last couple months here away - there is simply too much to be done to be thinking in such a way.

Now that the festival is over, the focus of this big busy stretch has become Live and In Synch, the DJD educational touring show for kids. We finished rehearsal this week and had our first show this morning. The show is about an hour long, and is absolutely PACKED with material. Between the show itself, set-up and tear-down, it makes for an exhausting couple of hours. And we do it twice a day! Though I am quite tired at the end of it, I am certainly not complaining - today was awesome, and I am truly looking forward to the next two weeks. The kids enjoyed the show so much, and it is great to see very clearly that you are having an impact. I love to spread a love for dance to an interested audience, and they are certainly that. Additionally, I feel so strongly for the work that DJD is doing, and am so happy to be a part of spreading that to people. All jazz dance and music-interested people have to band together to further this fringe form. I am pleased to be doing that here, and it makes me look even more forward to doing the same thing at home.

As for the next project (finally!), unfortunately it will not be Fringe Festival. We were not selected in the lottery, and are 60th on the waitlist (unlikely in my thoughts). Despite this, I still really want to do a show that presents the work of Twin Cities jazz dance artists, especially considering that I have had solid interest from several very talented and high profile people in the community. I am trying to collect my fleeting thoughts regarding how to put this show up myself (though not by myself, as the lovely Heather Parker has confirmed interest in co-producing) in time to make something happen. It is certainly exciting, but it is another ball to juggle in a currently rather full circus. I have never had a juggling problem in the past, but have had the luxury of not having to quite as severly for the last several months, so I am going to have to get in practice. I figure I will put my all into the kids show, and once that is over, I can focus on compiling my notes and thoughts from my experience up here, while also trying to nail down some details for such a show (theater space, dates, etc). Woo!

While many things float in an undefined space for me right now, there are two things of which I am positive - I am really excited to live at home for the summer, and I am so very glad that I came up to Calgary this year!

Mumble Jumble

Back to a place of 'what next?' Though this place has much more definition than it used to. I now know I am for sure going home for the summer, and the question of what is beyond is the dithering. This dithering actually feels pretty good considering I know what my most immediate action will be - to return home in June. Right now, beyond that, the options have been narrowed from what they were - no school next year. No staying in Minneapolis. So that brings me back to Calgary or to Chicago - a C city of some sort it seems. No green eggs and ham please.

I like to day dream about what will become of either option - I have been looking at apartment stats in Chicago, google-earthing, checking up on the JRJP website, looking into other dance class and company options, checking out what is out there for restuarant and catering jobs, etc, and it all feels kind of exciting. At the same time, I have been plotting my return to Calgary - where I will store the minimal stuff I will leave here over the summer, thinking about how to live closer to DJD and how much that will cost, who I will live with, etc. In thinking of this, despite the fact that I have lived in Calgary the last however long, the options of coming back here and of going to Chicago seem equally easy. Erg. I suppose I can let myself settle in a place of unknowing for now, especially considering my affinity for this place.

I did a little thinking this morning about public transit. I marvelled a bit at how I have managed to rely on it almost completely (outside the occasional ride from a friend and cab), something I have truly enjoyed and would like even better about Chicago. I say this because I know transit there is much more extensive. I have been able to rely on transit here, as everything I asbolutely HAVE to get to is manageable, but I have realized there are plenty of places I suppose I would have liked to go (even if it was just exploring the Northern quadrants a bit more), but have not out of difficulty in finding a logical and time-realistic path to get there. Do not get me wrong, I have been just fine with this situation (I have had to be, considering that my budget does not allow for a car), but I know it has in some ways limited the amount I will get to see the city before I finish my tenure living here.

In that same line of thought, I am trying to figure out how to best prioritize seeing what I would like to see in surrounding Canada before I leave. Andrea and I would like to take a trip to Vancouver for sure before we head out from here, especially considering that permanent residence in this area is not part of the future plan for either of us. I hope we pick a weekend soon - I want to make sure it happens! I am also tempted to take the ten days I have between being finished at DJD and flying home to rent a car and go crazy - drive all through Banff, up to Jasper, etc. Part of me really wants to save the money I have left (and really should), but it seems a damn travesty to already be up here and not see as much as I can before I depart. I guess this is something that can be decided upon knowing better whether I will be coming back in the fall or not. If not, which means I will be making money on a regular basis and not just in the summer, I will go!

Yes, I am using this as a way to sort out my thoughts. Another thought - I hate the idea of dreaming and planning my life rather than living it. It is easy to feel like all this thought is a waste when there are things out there to do, but entertaining this kind of thought also ignores the fact that there are limitations to everything. For example - 1. It is Sunday. 2. I do not have much in the way of money. 3. I do not have much in the way of transportation. Justifications or truths? Both? Yes.

Out.