Thursday, September 4, 2008
Also - phone
I am good to go on the phone - people can call me and I can call them with the regular charges. So call away!
Erg
Along the 'there is always something a little wrong with anything I am try to get done' vein, I tried to use my Skype for the first time today and couldn't figure it out. I read all the help stuff and everything, but nothing answered my questions. I was told by one of my roommates that Toshiba's have built in microphones, but I am realizing that she must have meant that they have microphone jacs for the ones you buy. I do not have a microphone, and am thinkin if I want to use Skype, I will have to go buy a mic. Brianna gave me a webcam that I forgot to pack, which I am definately kicking myself for now.
I actually have some time free right now that I was not expecting - I ended up having to miss my night class because my roommates wanted me to come help load up some furniture they got through a family connection. I felt bad that I hadn't helped on a lot of things yet, so I said yes even though I didnt want to miss my class. I felt like they didn't really give me an option to say no, and I felt bothered by that, but decided to get over it. I am kind of wishing now that I had found a way around it, because even though I felt guilty for not having done much yet, I don't need or want much in comparison to them, and that is probably why I haven't done much. It is not because I do not care or because I am lazy (I care very much about everyone being happy and I am far from lazy), but I myself really do not desire to be spending any time or money on anything I don't really care to have.
So we rented a U-Haul, which I did not want to pay for in the first place because I dont care to have more furniture, but I got over that. Then we went to the first place, got there 45 minutes late so we were almost not able to pick everything up and the dude almost told us we would have to come back tomorrow. It ended up working out, but that got me on edge. Then we went to the next place, a storage place that we needed a code to get into. And guess what - they didn't have the code. That got me really frustrated, and I started showing it. As I didn't really want to be spending that time in the first place, the time being drawn out made it even more difficult forme to mask my frustration. I ended up going home early with the roommate with a car, because they last thing the other three had to pick up was a sofa, and they could do that on their own. I feel a little bad about ditching, but I didn't want to have actions or words I would regret if I stayed. So now I am home, feeling kinda pissed and frustrated, but also kind guilty. I want them all to know that I care for them and that I do want to be friends very much, but I think there needs to be more communication.
I love the dance and for that I am glad I came up, but I had already been frustrated with my roommates before this happened - most of them have not yet lived alone, so they want to share food, have not mentioned when they are having people over, etc. I am hoping this gets better with time. I also feel like three of them have really clicked, leaving me off by myself. I have wondered if part of why this is happening is because I have exhibited a clear interest in having some alone time, and have already branched off to do other things after dance class, when they always want to be going to class together, coming back together, etc. The three of them have even landed employment at the same place, and I know for sure it would be too much for me to being living, dancing and working in the same place as all of them - we would be together all the time, and I cannot be with ANYONE for 24 hours a day, let alone people I just met when moving to another country. I will just have to be patient with the situation I guess. I find myself almost wishing already that I had opted to live alone and just paid the extra I would have to pay, but I barely have enough money to get me through the whole nine months as it is without finding a job. It sounds like I will have to find an under the table job because I do not have a work permit, and will not be able to get one. I asked for recommendations letters from the studio, which should help me out in explaining my situation when trying to get a job. I am going to try and jump into the job search on Saturday, so we will see how that goes.
I am just going to have to expand my horizons a bit when it comes to frienships here - it is looking as though built-in roommate friends isn't going to work in my favor. I hope they know I want to be friends with them all - maybe I need to vocalize it, that my need for alone time is nothing personal. We seemed to be clicking just fine the first few days, and now I just feel alienated. I hope that I can built some relationships with other people who moved here alone for the program - probably people who are living alone, who can control when and when not they see people. We shall see. I think my desire for friendships would not be so strong right now if I were living alone, because I would feel more in control of my situation. Aw well. Just need to give it time I guess.
I have been kept pretty busy thus far, but I think I am starting to get to the point where I can miss people. I am sure it will get worse, but I still need to get a job and whatnot and that will take time during the day. As for classes, my first were splendid. I am already so tired in a good way. I have been dancing for three days, and have already taken two jazz classes, a ore class, west african, hip hop, tap and modern. Aw yeah.
As for the commute, it turns out it is more like 40 minutes for a fast walker like me, but my roommates all walk slow, so it ends up being about an hour in the morning when we go together, which is frustrating for me. The winter is going to be pretty brutal considering our long commute. Someone on the plane told me it gets down to below 20 and 30 on a regular basis. They show degrees in Celsius here, so I am going to have the learn the conversion. I knew it at one time, but I no longer do. I am also going to have to learn the gallons to liters and miles to kilometers. I know it probably isn't that hard, I just haven't taken the time to find them out yet.
I actually have some time free right now that I was not expecting - I ended up having to miss my night class because my roommates wanted me to come help load up some furniture they got through a family connection. I felt bad that I hadn't helped on a lot of things yet, so I said yes even though I didnt want to miss my class. I felt like they didn't really give me an option to say no, and I felt bothered by that, but decided to get over it. I am kind of wishing now that I had found a way around it, because even though I felt guilty for not having done much yet, I don't need or want much in comparison to them, and that is probably why I haven't done much. It is not because I do not care or because I am lazy (I care very much about everyone being happy and I am far from lazy), but I myself really do not desire to be spending any time or money on anything I don't really care to have.
So we rented a U-Haul, which I did not want to pay for in the first place because I dont care to have more furniture, but I got over that. Then we went to the first place, got there 45 minutes late so we were almost not able to pick everything up and the dude almost told us we would have to come back tomorrow. It ended up working out, but that got me on edge. Then we went to the next place, a storage place that we needed a code to get into. And guess what - they didn't have the code. That got me really frustrated, and I started showing it. As I didn't really want to be spending that time in the first place, the time being drawn out made it even more difficult forme to mask my frustration. I ended up going home early with the roommate with a car, because they last thing the other three had to pick up was a sofa, and they could do that on their own. I feel a little bad about ditching, but I didn't want to have actions or words I would regret if I stayed. So now I am home, feeling kinda pissed and frustrated, but also kind guilty. I want them all to know that I care for them and that I do want to be friends very much, but I think there needs to be more communication.
I love the dance and for that I am glad I came up, but I had already been frustrated with my roommates before this happened - most of them have not yet lived alone, so they want to share food, have not mentioned when they are having people over, etc. I am hoping this gets better with time. I also feel like three of them have really clicked, leaving me off by myself. I have wondered if part of why this is happening is because I have exhibited a clear interest in having some alone time, and have already branched off to do other things after dance class, when they always want to be going to class together, coming back together, etc. The three of them have even landed employment at the same place, and I know for sure it would be too much for me to being living, dancing and working in the same place as all of them - we would be together all the time, and I cannot be with ANYONE for 24 hours a day, let alone people I just met when moving to another country. I will just have to be patient with the situation I guess. I find myself almost wishing already that I had opted to live alone and just paid the extra I would have to pay, but I barely have enough money to get me through the whole nine months as it is without finding a job. It sounds like I will have to find an under the table job because I do not have a work permit, and will not be able to get one. I asked for recommendations letters from the studio, which should help me out in explaining my situation when trying to get a job. I am going to try and jump into the job search on Saturday, so we will see how that goes.
I am just going to have to expand my horizons a bit when it comes to frienships here - it is looking as though built-in roommate friends isn't going to work in my favor. I hope they know I want to be friends with them all - maybe I need to vocalize it, that my need for alone time is nothing personal. We seemed to be clicking just fine the first few days, and now I just feel alienated. I hope that I can built some relationships with other people who moved here alone for the program - probably people who are living alone, who can control when and when not they see people. We shall see. I think my desire for friendships would not be so strong right now if I were living alone, because I would feel more in control of my situation. Aw well. Just need to give it time I guess.
I have been kept pretty busy thus far, but I think I am starting to get to the point where I can miss people. I am sure it will get worse, but I still need to get a job and whatnot and that will take time during the day. As for classes, my first were splendid. I am already so tired in a good way. I have been dancing for three days, and have already taken two jazz classes, a ore class, west african, hip hop, tap and modern. Aw yeah.
As for the commute, it turns out it is more like 40 minutes for a fast walker like me, but my roommates all walk slow, so it ends up being about an hour in the morning when we go together, which is frustrating for me. The winter is going to be pretty brutal considering our long commute. Someone on the plane told me it gets down to below 20 and 30 on a regular basis. They show degrees in Celsius here, so I am going to have the learn the conversion. I knew it at one time, but I no longer do. I am also going to have to learn the gallons to liters and miles to kilometers. I know it probably isn't that hard, I just haven't taken the time to find them out yet.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Culture
I have been doing some thinking on culture.
I know I have only been here for a little over 48 hours, but riding the train back in for night classes today, it hit me how much I think that the outskirts of Calgary look like so many other slightly suburban Midwestern towns. It got me wondering if I will be able to identify a culture for the whole of Canada, one that is different from that of the US. Then I got to thinking about how the whole of the US doesn't seem to have much of a culture either. Sure we have our political system, but beyond that, it is hard to identify what makes us who we are. Then my thought trail turned to the idea that in a country so large with so many smaller units (ie states before cities, a situation unheard of in the Europe we all think to have so many unique cultures according to country), our cultural identities are simply mutiple, and far spread. I feel as though Minnesota has its own unique identity, and within that, so many cities have identities I like to them. I am assuming (and hoping) that Canada, and Calgary within has this. I can see already that Calgary does - the Stampede, the Calgary Flames, Banff, strong arts culture. I think it is just hard for me to connect to this when visually, what I am seeing is the same strip malls and many of the same businesses I could seen in many Anytown USA's.
A conversation with my brother;
I know I have only been here for a little over 48 hours, but riding the train back in for night classes today, it hit me how much I think that the outskirts of Calgary look like so many other slightly suburban Midwestern towns. It got me wondering if I will be able to identify a culture for the whole of Canada, one that is different from that of the US. Then I got to thinking about how the whole of the US doesn't seem to have much of a culture either. Sure we have our political system, but beyond that, it is hard to identify what makes us who we are. Then my thought trail turned to the idea that in a country so large with so many smaller units (ie states before cities, a situation unheard of in the Europe we all think to have so many unique cultures according to country), our cultural identities are simply mutiple, and far spread. I feel as though Minnesota has its own unique identity, and within that, so many cities have identities I like to them. I am assuming (and hoping) that Canada, and Calgary within has this. I can see already that Calgary does - the Stampede, the Calgary Flames, Banff, strong arts culture. I think it is just hard for me to connect to this when visually, what I am seeing is the same strip malls and many of the same businesses I could seen in many Anytown USA's.
A conversation with my brother;
Leia1chic (10:39:55 PM) : cold already, feels like october
Leia1chic (10:40:06 PM) : I have been doin some thinkin on cultural perception
Leia1chic (10:40:21 PM) : Canada does not seem to have their own identity from the Us
DorkyFish69 (10:40:37 PM) : i.e., it feels like the USA culturally?
Leia1chic (10:40:39 PM) : but then I thought about the US, and decided that as a whole, we do not have our own either
DorkyFish69 (10:40:41 PM) : "America Lite"?
DorkyFish69 (10:40:45 PM) : yeah, I suppose
Leia1chic (10:40:54 PM) : we have our own units within the ccountry - states, cities in particular
Leia1chic (10:41:09 PM) : so I think I need to give Calgray some time to create its identity for me
DorkyFish69 (10:41:09 PM) : and who knows how much of that is from our own characterization of ourselves (and partially successful achievement) as a pluralistic society
DorkyFish69 (10:41:17 PM) : exactly -- St. Louis "feels" different from Flagstaff, etc.
Leia1chic (10:42:15 PM) : ya - I suppose there are pieces of national indetity in the US - our political system, etc
Leia1chic (10:42:29 PM) : I am sure canada has those things too, but visually, it looks so similiar
DorkyFish69 (10:42:31 PM) : we're really too big to have a singular identity
DorkyFish69 (10:42:35 PM) : geographically and otherwise
DorkyFish69 (10:42:39 PM) : same for the Canucks, methinks
Leia1chic (10:42:44 PM) : but the air is fresher and smells like campfires!
DorkyFish69 (10:42:54 PM) : the air? in the whole city? smells like campfires?!?
DorkyFish69 (10:42:58 PM) : SIGN ME UP!
Leia1chic (10:43:15 PM) : not all the time, but quite a bit
DorkyFish69 (10:43:30 PM) : but yeah, I think you're right on -- a country the size of Switzerland, given direction by all that European history, is actually capable of rolling its identity into clocks and passivity
DorkyFish69 (10:43:39 PM) : we, on the other hand, have to have Toby Keith AND acid house in the same country
Leia1chic (10:44:18 PM) : another thing I think bothers me is that all their pop music seems to be shipped in from america
DorkyFish69 (10:44:27 PM) : ROFL!!!!
DorkyFish69 (10:44:32 PM) : careful, you'll activate my inner nerd
Leia1chic (10:44:36 PM) : granted, I havent listened to their stations much yet, so I cannot REALLY judge
DorkyFish69 (10:44:39 PM) : they actually try to do stuff about that politically
DorkyFish69 (10:44:52 PM) : the CRTC (Canadian Radio and Television Commission) tries to address that with "Cancon" requirements
DorkyFish69 (10:44:57 PM) : i.e., Canadian content
DorkyFish69 (10:45:07 PM) : I think it might vary by format, and it's changed over time, but last I heard I thought it was around 25%
Leia1chic (10:45:23 PM) : interesting
DorkyFish69 (10:45:35 PM) : there was a funny story linked off Fark the other day confirming that a new start-up porn channel would be required to produce 20% of its pr0n in Canada with Canadian sluts 
DorkyFish69 (10:46:03 PM) : right, you'd think if ANYONE would dig a little deeper, or at least remember things they'd incidentally been exposed to, it would be them
Leia1chic (10:46:43 PM) : I think I just want to hear some Canadian stuff, and I feel like that is going to be difficult
And yes, the air does often smell like campfires. I have already whipped out my boots, vest and hat. Chilly indeed, wasn't yet expecting that. I think I am going to need to get a coat that comes down to my shins, and boots that come up to them!
And yes, the air does often smell like campfires. I have already whipped out my boots, vest and hat. Chilly indeed, wasn't yet expecting that. I think I am going to need to get a coat that comes down to my shins, and boots that come up to them!
Talking/ Dancing/Settling/ Dancing/ Talking
Good news on the phone - I will not have to get a new number or buy phone cards, so if you want to call, you can plan on calling my regular number and not getting charged extra. Yay!
We (family) are getting a US/ Canada plan. The only hitch is that the phone had to be programmed in the US to work on the plan, so now my parents have to use one of their upgrades to get me a new phone, program it with the correct stuff and my number, and send it up to me via mail (all while the phone I have here does not work for a few days, as the number will have been programmed into a new phone. Its better than me sending down the phone I have now (which would have been an option), which would take about 15 days. Er. It seems that absolutely nothing can be as simple as I had hoped! But it still certainly is nice that I can keep the same number, and communicate from it as normal. Should be up and functioning correcty by next week at this time.
My classes yesterday and today have been awesome, but I am so exhausted. When I was in school, I was dancing this much and going to regular classes, so I know I can do it, I just need to get used to it again. I took a West African class last night, and now my neck is sooo sore! So far I have had jazz, ballet, tap, west african and hip hop, and tonight I will have modern and some more tap. I will be dancing three hours Tuesday through Friday mornings, and three hours Monday through Thursday nights. I am hoping to find work on the weekends, and friday night. Off to more dancin...
We (family) are getting a US/ Canada plan. The only hitch is that the phone had to be programmed in the US to work on the plan, so now my parents have to use one of their upgrades to get me a new phone, program it with the correct stuff and my number, and send it up to me via mail (all while the phone I have here does not work for a few days, as the number will have been programmed into a new phone. Its better than me sending down the phone I have now (which would have been an option), which would take about 15 days. Er. It seems that absolutely nothing can be as simple as I had hoped! But it still certainly is nice that I can keep the same number, and communicate from it as normal. Should be up and functioning correcty by next week at this time.
My classes yesterday and today have been awesome, but I am so exhausted. When I was in school, I was dancing this much and going to regular classes, so I know I can do it, I just need to get used to it again. I took a West African class last night, and now my neck is sooo sore! So far I have had jazz, ballet, tap, west african and hip hop, and tonight I will have modern and some more tap. I will be dancing three hours Tuesday through Friday mornings, and three hours Monday through Thursday nights. I am hoping to find work on the weekends, and friday night. Off to more dancin...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I am here now.
I am now in Canada.
I have been here for less than 24 hours, and I have already located my house (via $60 cab fare find you), been to IKEA with my roommates (and purchased a bedspread, pillow, thermos and lamp - but no bed. Smart yes? no.), and out to dinner with my roommates. The house is in the South East suburbs of Calgary (about a 30 minute commute to the studio - 10 minutes walking, 10 on the lightrail, and another ten walking, but I have not yet tried this route - our first trip there and first day of classes is today!). I am sitting on the front stoop typing this, a front stoop that is perfect for deck chairs and drinking, looking out into our neighborhood and thinking how strange it is that we are in bonafide suburbia. As I told my roommates yesterday, I have never actually lived in suburbia, just on the edge of it. We are literally a block sandwiched within other blocks that are nicely lined up lots, houses that are just close enough yet just far enough apart for comfort. Nonetheless, I am glad to have a roof over my head (a nice roof mind you - wood floors, remodeled kitchen and bathrooms, the walls are all painted either a light brown or sage green, laundry I don't have to pay for, big living room, and some furniture already).
I will need to get a bed. Last night, I slept on couch cushions on the floor of my room, because I wanted to sleep in my room, but not on the hard wood floor. I did not want to sleep on the couch in the living room due to my sound and light sensitivities while sleeping, and also for the fact that small couches do not accomidate head and feet that well. Due to the slick wood floor, the cushions kept slipping around during the night. Not to mention the fact that they were not that wide, it was not the most comfortable sleep I have ever had. But I was greatful to not sleep on the wood floor, and also grateful to capture several hours of sleep in a row, a phenomenon I have not experienced in quite some time, as working for 4H at the state fair is not so condicive to such an idea.
As I can tell it, my roommates are pretty great. Two of them, Rebecca and Talia, are from Edmonton (they know each other from performing arts high school, and both of them are 19 (well, one turns 19 next Tuesday). Both of these girls are pretty squirrely and fun. I am definately already observing a bit of an age difference, as both of my other roommates are 23 like me. One, Steph, is from Toronto, and did her BFA in dance there at Ryerson, the other, Jayla, is a pianist and composer who is originally from here, but has moved several times with her family and was last living in Red Deer, AB, but before that went to school on Delaware. Her parents currently reside in Pennsylvania. With her parents far away and Steph's parents far away (as Toronto is further than MN), it is likely that we will get unlimited long distance on our landline phone (yes, a landline. It has been so long since I have had one of those.) If we do opt for this, that will be nice because I will not have to continue buying phone cards and racking up the dough on those. Jayla mentioned that when she was living in Delware and her boyfriend was back in Red Deer, AB, she was only there for two months, but managed $250 on phone cards. This makes me think since they all want a landling telephone anyway, the long distance option woud be better. In the mean time, I am going to continue checking my phone for voicemails, but will be leaving it off most of the time (I forgot until one of my roommates pointed out to me, that cell phone in roaming, even when not being used for calls, cost more.) I am also going to get a pay by the minute phone for use up here.
It was very nice to be able to come to a place of residence right away to meet people I seem to like already. We certainly lucked out with Jayla's boyfriend being here yesterday. He is very nice, and has a huge truck, so our trip to IKEA was much easier than it could have been. Jayla is the only one with a car, and she is also the only one who is not here for DJD, so us dance gals will be hoofin' it most of the time. Fortunately, we have a grocery store, walmart (boo) and several other businesses within close walking distance (a bar too!), so that makes things easier. Jayla is a sweety and has made it quite clear that she does not mind taking us one store runs here and there when we need it, so that will be nice to have as well.
In terms of jobs, Rebecca already has one at an Applebee's-like restuarant, which she has mentioned is hiring (like most places, as there is a labor shortage), and Steph has a family connection with a swanky place downtown which she is interviewing for later today. I guess they are hiring as well, so I am hoping to get it on that deal. I am not going to go hardcore on the job-search until I have a few more things set in place (ie bed, phone, cancelling health insurance, etc). I am going to try and get a bed from Jewish Family Services (Talia's mom works there, and they have a furniture program. This way, I could get it for free!). Once I have a job, I will turn my attention more toward grad school apps. But obviously, I have not yet even been here for 24 hours, so there are a myriad of things that are more important to take care of first.
My flight was very short. I ended up making it onto the 11:15 AM rather than having to wait for the 9:30pm, which was a relief. I would have gotten in at 11pm rather than 1pm, so it was very nice to have the time to see the house and have dinner with the roommates and get a little more settled. I ended up talking to a woman from Pakistan who came to Calgary for a job 20 years ago, and an 18 year old Australian girl who took a year off between high school and college to travel, and just finished working at a camp in DC, now on her way to Vancouver to visit friends. They were so interesting to talk to that I ended up sleeping for only an hour, which was a dissapointment of sorts, but I wouldn't have traded the conversation for the world. The immigration office at the Calgary airport was very intimidating - I had to present a shit-ton of papers to the officer because I do not have a study nor work permit. I thought for a bit that he was going to turn me areound and send me back home, but the officer next to him was very nice, familiar with DJD (a fan even), and she talked him through why I was there and why I should stay, so that was a relief. My officer then got a little warmer and talked to me about his music tastes while processing my paperwork. Now I have a little addition to my passport that explains my situation, so I do not have to go through any craziness while leaving and coming back for holidays.
As for DJD, we get started this morning at 10am (it is 8:15 right now). I am very excited to start class and start getting things in motion. An exciting piece of news of which my roomates informed me yesterday is that 400 people auditioned and they only took ten. I didn't even audition! Hearing this made me feel much better and more confident about my situation. I had had the flighting thought several times coming up to do this that they accepted me without audition because they needed more people and were trying to build the program, but I shook it off because I figured that even if that were true, it is still an amazing company that I can learn alot from. It is really nice to know that that is far from true, that they really want me to be there.
I think I do not yet miss people because it has not yet set in that I am not just on a trip or vacation. I think it will take at least a week, maybe a few. But I am certainly thinking about people quite a bit. Another reason why I am dealing ok is because I know that my support system at home will stay strong, and feel relieved that certain relationships are staying in tact the way they had been, when I had thought it would need to change, and that change made me feel physically sick. I think I am also in ok shape because all of my roommates know no one else here either, and are feeling quite displaced, so we have already started to become one another's support system. I am also feeling better because I continue to think about how nothing in life is perminent - this is just what I am doing now. Who knows where and what is next? ....
I have been here for less than 24 hours, and I have already located my house (via $60 cab fare find you), been to IKEA with my roommates (and purchased a bedspread, pillow, thermos and lamp - but no bed. Smart yes? no.), and out to dinner with my roommates. The house is in the South East suburbs of Calgary (about a 30 minute commute to the studio - 10 minutes walking, 10 on the lightrail, and another ten walking, but I have not yet tried this route - our first trip there and first day of classes is today!). I am sitting on the front stoop typing this, a front stoop that is perfect for deck chairs and drinking, looking out into our neighborhood and thinking how strange it is that we are in bonafide suburbia. As I told my roommates yesterday, I have never actually lived in suburbia, just on the edge of it. We are literally a block sandwiched within other blocks that are nicely lined up lots, houses that are just close enough yet just far enough apart for comfort. Nonetheless, I am glad to have a roof over my head (a nice roof mind you - wood floors, remodeled kitchen and bathrooms, the walls are all painted either a light brown or sage green, laundry I don't have to pay for, big living room, and some furniture already).
I will need to get a bed. Last night, I slept on couch cushions on the floor of my room, because I wanted to sleep in my room, but not on the hard wood floor. I did not want to sleep on the couch in the living room due to my sound and light sensitivities while sleeping, and also for the fact that small couches do not accomidate head and feet that well. Due to the slick wood floor, the cushions kept slipping around during the night. Not to mention the fact that they were not that wide, it was not the most comfortable sleep I have ever had. But I was greatful to not sleep on the wood floor, and also grateful to capture several hours of sleep in a row, a phenomenon I have not experienced in quite some time, as working for 4H at the state fair is not so condicive to such an idea.
As I can tell it, my roommates are pretty great. Two of them, Rebecca and Talia, are from Edmonton (they know each other from performing arts high school, and both of them are 19 (well, one turns 19 next Tuesday). Both of these girls are pretty squirrely and fun. I am definately already observing a bit of an age difference, as both of my other roommates are 23 like me. One, Steph, is from Toronto, and did her BFA in dance there at Ryerson, the other, Jayla, is a pianist and composer who is originally from here, but has moved several times with her family and was last living in Red Deer, AB, but before that went to school on Delaware. Her parents currently reside in Pennsylvania. With her parents far away and Steph's parents far away (as Toronto is further than MN), it is likely that we will get unlimited long distance on our landline phone (yes, a landline. It has been so long since I have had one of those.) If we do opt for this, that will be nice because I will not have to continue buying phone cards and racking up the dough on those. Jayla mentioned that when she was living in Delware and her boyfriend was back in Red Deer, AB, she was only there for two months, but managed $250 on phone cards. This makes me think since they all want a landling telephone anyway, the long distance option woud be better. In the mean time, I am going to continue checking my phone for voicemails, but will be leaving it off most of the time (I forgot until one of my roommates pointed out to me, that cell phone in roaming, even when not being used for calls, cost more.) I am also going to get a pay by the minute phone for use up here.
It was very nice to be able to come to a place of residence right away to meet people I seem to like already. We certainly lucked out with Jayla's boyfriend being here yesterday. He is very nice, and has a huge truck, so our trip to IKEA was much easier than it could have been. Jayla is the only one with a car, and she is also the only one who is not here for DJD, so us dance gals will be hoofin' it most of the time. Fortunately, we have a grocery store, walmart (boo) and several other businesses within close walking distance (a bar too!), so that makes things easier. Jayla is a sweety and has made it quite clear that she does not mind taking us one store runs here and there when we need it, so that will be nice to have as well.
In terms of jobs, Rebecca already has one at an Applebee's-like restuarant, which she has mentioned is hiring (like most places, as there is a labor shortage), and Steph has a family connection with a swanky place downtown which she is interviewing for later today. I guess they are hiring as well, so I am hoping to get it on that deal. I am not going to go hardcore on the job-search until I have a few more things set in place (ie bed, phone, cancelling health insurance, etc). I am going to try and get a bed from Jewish Family Services (Talia's mom works there, and they have a furniture program. This way, I could get it for free!). Once I have a job, I will turn my attention more toward grad school apps. But obviously, I have not yet even been here for 24 hours, so there are a myriad of things that are more important to take care of first.
My flight was very short. I ended up making it onto the 11:15 AM rather than having to wait for the 9:30pm, which was a relief. I would have gotten in at 11pm rather than 1pm, so it was very nice to have the time to see the house and have dinner with the roommates and get a little more settled. I ended up talking to a woman from Pakistan who came to Calgary for a job 20 years ago, and an 18 year old Australian girl who took a year off between high school and college to travel, and just finished working at a camp in DC, now on her way to Vancouver to visit friends. They were so interesting to talk to that I ended up sleeping for only an hour, which was a dissapointment of sorts, but I wouldn't have traded the conversation for the world. The immigration office at the Calgary airport was very intimidating - I had to present a shit-ton of papers to the officer because I do not have a study nor work permit. I thought for a bit that he was going to turn me areound and send me back home, but the officer next to him was very nice, familiar with DJD (a fan even), and she talked him through why I was there and why I should stay, so that was a relief. My officer then got a little warmer and talked to me about his music tastes while processing my paperwork. Now I have a little addition to my passport that explains my situation, so I do not have to go through any craziness while leaving and coming back for holidays.
As for DJD, we get started this morning at 10am (it is 8:15 right now). I am very excited to start class and start getting things in motion. An exciting piece of news of which my roomates informed me yesterday is that 400 people auditioned and they only took ten. I didn't even audition! Hearing this made me feel much better and more confident about my situation. I had had the flighting thought several times coming up to do this that they accepted me without audition because they needed more people and were trying to build the program, but I shook it off because I figured that even if that were true, it is still an amazing company that I can learn alot from. It is really nice to know that that is far from true, that they really want me to be there.
I think I do not yet miss people because it has not yet set in that I am not just on a trip or vacation. I think it will take at least a week, maybe a few. But I am certainly thinking about people quite a bit. Another reason why I am dealing ok is because I know that my support system at home will stay strong, and feel relieved that certain relationships are staying in tact the way they had been, when I had thought it would need to change, and that change made me feel physically sick. I think I am also in ok shape because all of my roommates know no one else here either, and are feeling quite displaced, so we have already started to become one another's support system. I am also feeling better because I continue to think about how nothing in life is perminent - this is just what I am doing now. Who knows where and what is next? ....
Friday, August 15, 2008
Getting going
How ridiculous is it that my brain wastes time trying to decide if I will write on this blog or in my notebook. According to my own tradition, I write in a journal, a kept journal that no eyes see but my own unless I permit it. But there it is. I find myself trying to decide if this will be viewable by others (a sentence that will have little worth if I do not in fact publish this). I also then wonder again about the physical difference between typing and writing, and if typing ruminations somehow bastardizes them, as most of my typing occurs for business manners. Is all this the product of excess brain space? It seems not, as I truly have plenty of things to think about currently, but seem to need to take the time for the ruminations to play out. At the same time, as I sit here after having read a book for awhile, I wonder why, in a time that I am getting ready to leave a lot of the familiar and comfortable behind, why it is that I sit here by myself and do things that would be considered time-passers?
In reading Walden this morning (oh yes, I am SOO academic and wonderful), it made me think about the value of company. I had noticed myself, in planning my morning and afternoon, not wanting to be with anyone for that fact that I would be with so many someones for quite a period of time later on in the day, and I wanted to enjoy it rather than be annoyed by it. It seems that every available moment should be spent with people I care about and will miss when I am gone, but that logic becomes skewd when set against what I actually want. For the relationships that matter, they will remain in tact and maybe even get stronger. I do not see why I need to guilt myself into spending all my time with people. People will be here, as will things. I am somewhat starving for newness and independence, and perhaps this is why I want to spend some time 'alone' in my surroundings before I leave them. I think I am also annoyed by the fact that I had imagined I would feel so much more free at this point. I still have a ton of stuff holding me down. Even though it is packed away at my parents house, it is not packed or sorted through as efficiently as I wished. I wanted to get rid of even more stuff I felt like I did not need, and planned on doing so when I packed. But putting on the show ate up the time to have actually followed through with such a goal. I would not trade the show for the world, but it certainly did get in the way of what I perceived would be my departure. I have put an unnecessary amount of thought into rationalizing why I didn't get through everything the way I wished (as I generally put an unnecessary amount of thought into basically anything). For example, I know that when I settle somewhere for the next time, I will not want to put the time, energy or money into finding new furniture (and will probably not have much store of those listed resources anyway). It also seems a waste to have to go through the unnecesary monetary transactions of selling my furtinture, only to turn around and try and find some to purchase upon my return. I have also thought about how, in the grand scale of the world, having a compact amount of things at one house in one town in one state in one country on the face of the large earth, it really ins't much. I just need to get myself to the point where I forget about the fact that it is there, and if I REALLY want to get rid of a bunch, I can do it at Christmas.
That is another mental stressor in relation to how I wanted things to go. My desire for unplanned adventure and cutting ties has been stimied by the fact that I know the next points that I will be back in MN - for Christmas and all of next summer. Weddings seem like a ridiculous reason for coming home all summer, but they are also moments within friends lives that I do not wish to miss. Despite my gypsy syndrom, I place a lot of importance in relationships and moments.
In the midst of all this, I have thought about people asking what I have done today, me responding 'nothing' and them being angered by the fact that I did not call to try and plan to spend some more time with them. I wish they would call me if they wanted that to happen. Granted, I am sure most have figured that I am hella busy with everything I need to get done to move, and I figured I would be more so than I am at this point. I think my freak out about grad schools on Tuesday has forced me to take a step back and let life play out as it will. I know that i big shit (turning in my keys, checking on where to get my deposit, the show videos and such getting sent out) will all happen in due course because they are important and I am not an idiot. That being said, i think I have laid back a bit to ut my faith into this concept. Along the way to that, I have felt small tinges of what people generally consider boredom. I guess I hesitate to accept calling it boredom, because my 'idleness' is not due to inability or lack of desire to think of anything better to do, but by an invisible force calling for me to learn how to stop in my tracks. I have a veritable obsession with not wanting to waste any of my time. I guess that I have so much that I am interested in and care to do with my life that it is hard for me to justify sitting and doing anything that will not lead toward an end goal for my interests. However, I also frequently tell people that life is for living, and part of that is this idea of 'enjoying oneself.' I think I enjoy myself most when I am working. This goes back to the book I have been reading as well. A happy man is a working man, one that values his energy and time and wants to do something with it. For me, that is creating things that make people think about who and where they are. It is quite ironic, in light of that, that I myself find it so damn difficult to spend time thinking abcooout who I am and where I am. I know those are thoughts that are always operating subconciously for me, but I think they are forced into the subconcious because my direct conciousness is always being spent on other, external things. These external things are things I absolutely love, but I seem to love myself as well, so why not spend some direct time on that?
This seems to be the purpose of where I am now, sitting at a coffee shop byself, occasionally conversing with strangers, when I could be spending time with loved ones that are important to me and who I will miss. I think I am leveling more with Adam now on how he behaved before leaving for Estonia. Amount of time spent does not necessarily correlate with how much you love someone or how important they are. Sometimes there is such a thing as too much time together. It helps you really enjoy when you ARE with those people. Thinking about this makes it easier for me to accept why my friends from high school and I do not see each other nearly as much as we used to, or as much as we probably could. A lot of the time, my mind automatically jumps to the idea that they would rather spend time with their boyfriends, and maybe this is true. But that does not devalue the time we want to spend with one another, for the reasons contemplated above.
There are few people with whom I want to spend more time than most. I think this is a revelation that has lead me to my next adventure. I am content alone, and even more so when spending the majority of my time on things that matter to me. People matter to me very much, but I do not control how they are scheduled or how they will affect me. Creating dance, taking class, going on trips, all such things are things that are scheduled and controlled by me. I do not think my enjoyment of such things stems from the fact that I am a control-freak, but from the fact that I can see directly how they will push me forward, as a person who desires to spend all of her moments moving, physically and metophorically.
I love the turn-over of a coffee shop. Some people stop in only to get their coffee to go to fuel the rest of their day, and others, like me today, hang around as if they have no timeline. You can never be sure of who you will sit by talk to, or if you will ever interact with them again, but those moments, as they exist, often seem more honest them moments you experience with people with whom you interact on a daily basis. With the new ones, there is less known and therefore more to talk about. This certainly does not discredit the old ones, it is just a different kind of interaction.
As I write this, the sun is hitting my computer and my face more and more, and making me check the clock and be antsy to be at the beach. But I am also antsy to be writing this. There is simply no way for me to entirely please myself. If it is important, I'll get there?
I have been doing a 'year check-in' quite a bit lately. I often find myself pondering what I was doing at this time last year, and how I managed to find myself to what I am doing now. This time last year, I was still in the house on Como, though alone with no one around, but having just come off a long and stressful prep week of arts in. Thinking back on that now as Kris was there this week, it made me realize how time just suspends when you are in that building. This is certainly a thought that has occured to me before, but it rearranged itself and came to the forefront of my mind in thinking about how long prep week seemed when I was there, and how it seemed to fly by when Kris was there. At this time last year, I was also starting to think about choreography for Shakopee, getting ready to teach dance classes at the Dance Xchange, starting at the Southern. Since then, I have put on two volunteer events, produced two shows, built the volunteer program to be more solid and professional, took the most amazing workshop of my life in Chicago and found another place I want to study and belong with, danced in 7 shows, learned to be (almost) completely financially independent, learned to enjoy someones company on a longer and more frequent basis, travelled to South Dakota to visit Jesse, successfully free-lance marketed three shows (one of which I got paid for), I have had friendships disappait and reignite, learned much more about lights than I ever expected (but certainly wanted to), moved twice (three if you count the majority of my stuff being brought back home), lived alone, discovered that it wasn't for me, came to the realization that jobs are for money and work is for fulfillment, come to the realization that I will never have 100% of people in my life understand or appreciate that, come to the realization that I have plenty of people who do and for that I am grateful, taken yoga with my mom, 'broken up' and 'got back together,' I am sure the list could go on. Sometimes when my thoughts happen upon these moments, I simply desire to list them.
Work at the fair
Fly out the first
Locate new place of residence/ new people of residence
Find my way into Calgary to dance
Find a job
Apply for grad schools
Caravan on.
In reading Walden this morning (oh yes, I am SOO academic and wonderful), it made me think about the value of company. I had noticed myself, in planning my morning and afternoon, not wanting to be with anyone for that fact that I would be with so many someones for quite a period of time later on in the day, and I wanted to enjoy it rather than be annoyed by it. It seems that every available moment should be spent with people I care about and will miss when I am gone, but that logic becomes skewd when set against what I actually want. For the relationships that matter, they will remain in tact and maybe even get stronger. I do not see why I need to guilt myself into spending all my time with people. People will be here, as will things. I am somewhat starving for newness and independence, and perhaps this is why I want to spend some time 'alone' in my surroundings before I leave them. I think I am also annoyed by the fact that I had imagined I would feel so much more free at this point. I still have a ton of stuff holding me down. Even though it is packed away at my parents house, it is not packed or sorted through as efficiently as I wished. I wanted to get rid of even more stuff I felt like I did not need, and planned on doing so when I packed. But putting on the show ate up the time to have actually followed through with such a goal. I would not trade the show for the world, but it certainly did get in the way of what I perceived would be my departure. I have put an unnecessary amount of thought into rationalizing why I didn't get through everything the way I wished (as I generally put an unnecessary amount of thought into basically anything). For example, I know that when I settle somewhere for the next time, I will not want to put the time, energy or money into finding new furniture (and will probably not have much store of those listed resources anyway). It also seems a waste to have to go through the unnecesary monetary transactions of selling my furtinture, only to turn around and try and find some to purchase upon my return. I have also thought about how, in the grand scale of the world, having a compact amount of things at one house in one town in one state in one country on the face of the large earth, it really ins't much. I just need to get myself to the point where I forget about the fact that it is there, and if I REALLY want to get rid of a bunch, I can do it at Christmas.
That is another mental stressor in relation to how I wanted things to go. My desire for unplanned adventure and cutting ties has been stimied by the fact that I know the next points that I will be back in MN - for Christmas and all of next summer. Weddings seem like a ridiculous reason for coming home all summer, but they are also moments within friends lives that I do not wish to miss. Despite my gypsy syndrom, I place a lot of importance in relationships and moments.
In the midst of all this, I have thought about people asking what I have done today, me responding 'nothing' and them being angered by the fact that I did not call to try and plan to spend some more time with them. I wish they would call me if they wanted that to happen. Granted, I am sure most have figured that I am hella busy with everything I need to get done to move, and I figured I would be more so than I am at this point. I think my freak out about grad schools on Tuesday has forced me to take a step back and let life play out as it will. I know that i big shit (turning in my keys, checking on where to get my deposit, the show videos and such getting sent out) will all happen in due course because they are important and I am not an idiot. That being said, i think I have laid back a bit to ut my faith into this concept. Along the way to that, I have felt small tinges of what people generally consider boredom. I guess I hesitate to accept calling it boredom, because my 'idleness' is not due to inability or lack of desire to think of anything better to do, but by an invisible force calling for me to learn how to stop in my tracks. I have a veritable obsession with not wanting to waste any of my time. I guess that I have so much that I am interested in and care to do with my life that it is hard for me to justify sitting and doing anything that will not lead toward an end goal for my interests. However, I also frequently tell people that life is for living, and part of that is this idea of 'enjoying oneself.' I think I enjoy myself most when I am working. This goes back to the book I have been reading as well. A happy man is a working man, one that values his energy and time and wants to do something with it. For me, that is creating things that make people think about who and where they are. It is quite ironic, in light of that, that I myself find it so damn difficult to spend time thinking abcooout who I am and where I am. I know those are thoughts that are always operating subconciously for me, but I think they are forced into the subconcious because my direct conciousness is always being spent on other, external things. These external things are things I absolutely love, but I seem to love myself as well, so why not spend some direct time on that?
This seems to be the purpose of where I am now, sitting at a coffee shop byself, occasionally conversing with strangers, when I could be spending time with loved ones that are important to me and who I will miss. I think I am leveling more with Adam now on how he behaved before leaving for Estonia. Amount of time spent does not necessarily correlate with how much you love someone or how important they are. Sometimes there is such a thing as too much time together. It helps you really enjoy when you ARE with those people. Thinking about this makes it easier for me to accept why my friends from high school and I do not see each other nearly as much as we used to, or as much as we probably could. A lot of the time, my mind automatically jumps to the idea that they would rather spend time with their boyfriends, and maybe this is true. But that does not devalue the time we want to spend with one another, for the reasons contemplated above.
There are few people with whom I want to spend more time than most. I think this is a revelation that has lead me to my next adventure. I am content alone, and even more so when spending the majority of my time on things that matter to me. People matter to me very much, but I do not control how they are scheduled or how they will affect me. Creating dance, taking class, going on trips, all such things are things that are scheduled and controlled by me. I do not think my enjoyment of such things stems from the fact that I am a control-freak, but from the fact that I can see directly how they will push me forward, as a person who desires to spend all of her moments moving, physically and metophorically.
I love the turn-over of a coffee shop. Some people stop in only to get their coffee to go to fuel the rest of their day, and others, like me today, hang around as if they have no timeline. You can never be sure of who you will sit by talk to, or if you will ever interact with them again, but those moments, as they exist, often seem more honest them moments you experience with people with whom you interact on a daily basis. With the new ones, there is less known and therefore more to talk about. This certainly does not discredit the old ones, it is just a different kind of interaction.
As I write this, the sun is hitting my computer and my face more and more, and making me check the clock and be antsy to be at the beach. But I am also antsy to be writing this. There is simply no way for me to entirely please myself. If it is important, I'll get there?
I have been doing a 'year check-in' quite a bit lately. I often find myself pondering what I was doing at this time last year, and how I managed to find myself to what I am doing now. This time last year, I was still in the house on Como, though alone with no one around, but having just come off a long and stressful prep week of arts in. Thinking back on that now as Kris was there this week, it made me realize how time just suspends when you are in that building. This is certainly a thought that has occured to me before, but it rearranged itself and came to the forefront of my mind in thinking about how long prep week seemed when I was there, and how it seemed to fly by when Kris was there. At this time last year, I was also starting to think about choreography for Shakopee, getting ready to teach dance classes at the Dance Xchange, starting at the Southern. Since then, I have put on two volunteer events, produced two shows, built the volunteer program to be more solid and professional, took the most amazing workshop of my life in Chicago and found another place I want to study and belong with, danced in 7 shows, learned to be (almost) completely financially independent, learned to enjoy someones company on a longer and more frequent basis, travelled to South Dakota to visit Jesse, successfully free-lance marketed three shows (one of which I got paid for), I have had friendships disappait and reignite, learned much more about lights than I ever expected (but certainly wanted to), moved twice (three if you count the majority of my stuff being brought back home), lived alone, discovered that it wasn't for me, came to the realization that jobs are for money and work is for fulfillment, come to the realization that I will never have 100% of people in my life understand or appreciate that, come to the realization that I have plenty of people who do and for that I am grateful, taken yoga with my mom, 'broken up' and 'got back together,' I am sure the list could go on. Sometimes when my thoughts happen upon these moments, I simply desire to list them.
Work at the fair
Fly out the first
Locate new place of residence/ new people of residence
Find my way into Calgary to dance
Find a job
Apply for grad schools
Caravan on.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Brain stop.
Brain stop.
It seems not possible. Here I sit at work with many other things to think of, yet my brain spirals for want of something else. Wanting what we do not have seems to be a consistent pattern in a lifestyle of consumption. I do not mean to come off as a socialist, but consumption seems to be the identifying word - people who do not have choices in the things they have seem to be content with said things. Those with the capacity for several options seem never to be satisfied.
I am one to talk - when different options are readily available, it seems only natural to want to ponder the others - I think the desire for the different is never malicious, but just an affect of our curiosity as free thinkers. Maybe this is why I am making a planned drift......
It seems not possible. Here I sit at work with many other things to think of, yet my brain spirals for want of something else. Wanting what we do not have seems to be a consistent pattern in a lifestyle of consumption. I do not mean to come off as a socialist, but consumption seems to be the identifying word - people who do not have choices in the things they have seem to be content with said things. Those with the capacity for several options seem never to be satisfied.
I am one to talk - when different options are readily available, it seems only natural to want to ponder the others - I think the desire for the different is never malicious, but just an affect of our curiosity as free thinkers. Maybe this is why I am making a planned drift......
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